


The Last Good Thing in The World Part III

by heroes_never_die



Series: The Last Good Thing in The World [2]
Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Art, Bullying, Childhood Trauma, Clickers (The Last Of Us), Dancing in the Rain, Dark, Dark Comedy, Depression, Drinking Games, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Ellie & Joel Bonding (The Last of Us), Ellie Angst (The Last of Us), Ellie Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (The Last of Us), Ellie Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Ellie (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Good Significant Other Dina (The Last of Us), Guns, Gunshot Wounds, High School, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Infected Characters, Joel Lives (The Last of Us), Meet-Cute, Murder, POV Joel (The Last of Us), Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Physical Abuse, Physical Therapy, Predator/Prey, Protective Joel (The Last of Us), References to Depression, Romantic Fluff, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Dancing, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, The Last Of Us: Left Behind Spoilers, The Last of Us Spoilers, Underage Drinking, Winter, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:53:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 32,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heroes_never_die/pseuds/heroes_never_die
Summary: Joel and Ellie survived... they survived in Jackson. But, what if the perfect life -the attempt at a normal life- just wasn't meant for them?
Relationships: Dina & Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina & Joel (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Dina/Ellie/Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Jesse (The Last of Us), Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie & Maria (The Last of Us), Ellie & Riley (The Last of Us), Ellie & Tommy (The Last of Us), Ellie (The Last Of Us)/Undisclosed, Ellie/Joel (The Last of Us), Ellie/Tommy (The Last of Us), Joel & Maria (The Last of Us), Joel & Sarah (The Last of Us), Joel/Tommy (The Last of Us)
Series: The Last Good Thing in The World [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2002261
Comments: 31
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

“What are you doing?” Ellie giggled, looking at Dina with Ellie’s guitar in her arms. She awkwardly strung the strings and made a terrible melody. Ellie smiled, taking the guitar from Dina and playing a small tune. “No, not right now… I’m way too fucking tired.” She smiled, seeing Dina’s want for Ellie to play for her. They’d made it a tradition, in the years Ellie had now been in Jackson, Ellie tried to teach guitar to Dina, like Joel had for her. Dina didn’t allow it, as she was too busy with her small shop. She’d made a tiny little shop, Ellie and her… Ellie finally agreed to trade her drawings, most to trade for things for Joel. Coffee and things like that, but mostly, Joel loved her drawings, not anything she’d traded for. He was so proud to be considered her father.   
“Yeah… hey, when does Joel get back?” Dina asked, perching her head on Ellie’s shoulder as they watched television in the bed. Ellie and Dina made their own little treehouse outside the wall, one they’d slowly outgrown in their slowly increasing teen years. It wasn’t too far, as Joel wouldn’t allow Ellie outside too far: his parental worry still hung over both of them, but she didn’t mind. 

Ellie sighed, holding her worn, blue plushie to her chest and shutting her eyes. Joel gave it to her, and it made her feel like he was right there, instead of out on some trading route with Tommy. Tommy and Joel left two days ago… supposedly to meet up with some other settlement and establish a trade route. It was a miracle Ellie didn’t chain him to the bed, she hated him leaving without her. It was a day before her birthday, which was most of the reason Joel went: he apparently wanted to get something extra-special for Ellie for the trade… and he promised to be back before her birthday. He promised… and still… he was supposed to be back by now. Their walkies were out of range, so their communication was severed. _I shoulda gone. Why didn’t I go? What if something went wrong?_ She asked herself, looking down to the plush and squeezing it, feeling like she was fourteen again. _Where are you, Dad…?_ “He’s supposed to be here tonight.” 

“I’m sure he’s fine, babe. Probably just got caught up with the trade or something.” Dina assured her, stroking her girlfriend’s back gently and calming her. Ellie nodded, looking back to her and leaning into Dina’s arms. _He’s fine._ Ellie blamed herself for letting him go… _what if something happened? A million things could happen, hunters, Infected… what if that town turned on them?_ “Hey… Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.” 

Ellie giggled, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath. It smelled like Dina, like strawberries or the soft breeze on a summer’s day. Dina cheered her up well and she sighed, shutting her eyes and asking her body to just let the moon in the high summer sky retreat to darkness, letting her sleep. _Just let this day be over… tomorrow Joel will be back, and he’ll be okay._ Ellie slowly submitted herself to sleep in Joel’s Dina’s arms. 

_“Are you insane?” Ellie asked him, placing her hands on her hips and glaring up at him. “No! Tell Tommy to get someone else.” She shook her head, continuing to cook dinner and shrugging off the crazy suggestion that she go that far outside the walls without him._

_Joel smiled weakly, looking towards her and smiling when he noticed she’d grown an inch or two in the days leading up to her birthday._ Maybe her immunity’s goin’ easier on her body… _He thought, though he knew that wasn’t true. The doctor was right, she began to eat more and more to get by, and it hadn’t been that long since that first visit to the doctor. It was already getting worse with each year that went by and both of them knew it, but she didn’t want to talk about it. ‘There’s a chance… look… things are going to get harder for her as she gets older. I wish I had better news, but my job as a doctor is to help you… I can’t, but I can tell you what your daughter’s dealing with.’ “Ellie… I can handle myself. No Infected are gon’ take me out.” He said proudly, smiling at her like a true old goober._

 _“And what if hunters ambush you? And what if those traders just want to kill you?” Ellie demanded, focusing herself on the task in front of her and shaking her head in anger that Joel would even consider going without her. “I’m coming with you, that’s the only way you’re going.” Joel smiled, but shook his head, rejecting the idea. “Well, if there’s nothing to worry about, it’ll be fine if I come, Joel.”_ _  
__She was feisty: he’d give her that. It was cute, though. Ellie reminded him so much of Sarah. “Tommy’ll watch my back… you stay here. Plus… gotta get ya something for your birthday. Seventeen’s a big number.” Joel cooed, rustling her hair but she shook him off. “Ellie-”_

 _“No, if you’re so inclined to get yourself killed, just go.” She said with finality, marching out of the kitchen, taking her jacket and shoes and escaping the house angrily._ Ellie slowly was pulled out of the memory, taking a deep breath and feeling the sun travel through her dark, long hair. _I need to cut it again… it’s getting too long. I can ask Jesse… he said he’s good at this stuff._ Ellie remembered how Joel left: he left the next morning, after she said that final sentence. They didn’t talk at all… she felt sick. _I should’ve told him I loved him… what if something happens to him?_ Ellie asked herself, coming up with a million different scenarios where Joel wasn’t alright. _I should’ve gone with him._

Ellie looked down, seeing Dina’s sleeping figure beside her. Her lips crawled into a weak smile and she kissed her girlfriend’s forehead, slowly getting up from the bed. Ellie stretched her limbs, letting out a small yawn. She was dressed in nothing more than a shirt that was much too large for her, and nothing but a single sock. _God, I’m such a mess._ Ellie smiled, pulling her other sock onto her foot and then her jeans. Finally, she slipped one of Joel’s many jackets over her shoulders, not zipping it, but letting it hang over her and drift Joel’s scent through the air. It always calmed her when she felt like this, or when Joel wasn’t there himself. _I should get back… maybe Joel’s back by now._ Ellie thought optimistically, hoisting her bag over her shoulders and slowly opening the exit to the treehouse. The morning was quiet, except for the fresh singing of birds, those who sailed through the trees like the world had never ended. 

Her hands made their way down the worn ladder and finally, she dropped to the floor, a small crunch of the gravel sounding under her feet. _Maybe Joel’s back._ She repeated, looking to the treehouse that held Dina before making her way back towards the wall, but it was only a few meters away. Ellie whistled to herself as she walked, smelling the fresh scent of morning dew and nature. She loved the quiet… it was so peaceful in the morning and it just felt like there was no one but her around. She used to find that terrifying but now, she knew for a fact Joel would never leave her… at least, not voluntarily. 

Sometimes she still thought of the woman who tried to take her away from him: Faye. Ellie pulled her sleeve up, looking to the burnt firefly symbol on her wrist. It wasn’t as dark, but it was still extremely apparent. _‘From now on… consider yourself property of the Fireflies… you’re mine.’_ Even though it had been years, almost two now, she could still remember every second of that nightmare. _“Please, don’t hurt him!” Ellie begged, watching her strike Joel unconscious. “Please!”_

“Jesus… stop.” Ellie ordered herself, shaking the thoughts from her head and looking up to the guards on the wall. She returned a wave they gave her and slipped through the gates, seeing the life of Jackson before her. It was a good day, she tried to convince herself, but without Joel there with her, it felt like drops of fear were slowly storming from the atmosphere, surrounding her and covering her spine in tingles. When she made it to that ivory house and called her father’s name, Ellie discovered he wasn’t home. _He was supposed to be here last night._ Ellie thought, swallowing hard and searching the house even though she knew no one would inhabit it but her. 

“Joel?” She called, her voice high and it sounded like she was a child once again. _No one’s here._ What was she supposed to do…? Go to Maria? _Do I go out there…? Go after them?_ Ellie asked, cursing at herself for letting him go. _I should’ve just chained him to the damn couch._ Ellie reprimanded herself, pushing her foot into the wall only to curse when she was returned with pain. “Fuck.” _What do I do now?_ Ellie asked, keeping her bag on her shoulders and treading back outside towards Tommy and Maria’s house. 

Ellie mourned whenever she thought of Maria and Tommy… she knew how badly Maria wanted children, but Joel had gravely told her something in her body wouldn’t allow it, and she’d be stuck infertitle for eternity. Ellie just tried to be closer with her after Joel told her that… maybe she could replace that void for Maria and make her feel less guilty about the situation the woman had been thrown into. Ellie ran towards the house, knocking on the door even though it was only eight or nine, she’d stopped counting the time long ago. Ellie realized she’d just go through day by day to survive, and worried about nothing else. Her fist met the old wood once again and finally, a face replaced the image of the door. “Where are they? They were supposed to be here yesterday.” Ellie asked, her large eyes wide with worry and fear. “Joel said they’d be back yesterday, he would’ve been back yesterday.” 

“Ellie, it’s nine o’clock in the morning…” Maria whispered, clearly not as worried as Ellie. Ellie tilted her young head, placing her hands on her hips and looking up at Maria with furrowed eyebrows. The older woman’s hair was in a messy bun and she was dressed in jeans and a jacket. 

“Yeah, and Tommy said they’d be back last night.” Ellie spoke sharply, looking up at Maria then back to their own house. Small bits of vegetation slowly grew on the siding but she helped Joel keep it in shape, or as well as she could considering they lived in the apocalypse. “I’m going out there, to look for them.” Ellie decided, turning around but Maria grabbed her arm. “Maria-” 

“Look, Ellie… Joel and Tommy can handle themselves… they probably just got caught up with the trade route.” Maria whispered tiredly, shaking her head and releasing Ellie’s hand. Maria pulled Ellie inside and shut the door behind her, sealing the warm Summer air out of the house. “Here, do you want something to eat?” Maria asked, gesturing towards a place of sausage she’d begun to cook. 

Ellie shook her head, anxiously picking with her nails and taking a deep sigh. But before she could say anything, Maria looked into Ellie’s eyes, heaving a deep sigh. “Look… if you eat something… I can go out and check in a little bit, if you’re really that worried.” Ellie actually smiled for a second and she nodded, taking the plate of sausage from Maria and sitting on the couch. It smelled like Tommy. Both of the Millers had very distinct aromas, those of forests and rich cigars. “They’re probably just running late…” 

“Maybe not.” Ellie responded, quickly swallowing down the sausage and waiting impatiently for Maria to finish. Finally the woman finished and she sighed, looking up at Ellie and seeing her look of fear. “Please.” Ellie begged, clasping her hands together tightly and looking deep into Ellie’s silver, dark eyes. 

The woman had soft blonde hair that fell just by her shoulders, and Ellie realized her natural beauty. “Jesus… fine, Ellie.” Maria smiled softly, slowly slinging her bag over her shoulders and taking her pistol. “You worry too much.” 

“I’ll worry if it keeps Joel safe.” Ellie responded, following Maria out of the house and watching the woman go towards the ranch to go look for Joel and Tommy. “Be careful, please.” Maria smiled, saluting Ellie mockingly before heading out towards the stables. Ellie sighed, her vision traveling back towards the dark, mossy green house that Joel and her inhabited. As she grew, she wondered what would change between them.   
She had no intention of ever not being in the same house with Joel, or at least, not yet. Maybe someday, with Dina, but the effects of Winter still clenched around her some days, and after everything both of them had been through, they needed each other. Besides, she didn’t want Joel alone. She knew she was the light of his life and she didn’t plan on taking that away from him. _I need a drink._ She said to herself, heading towards the center of town. So, she sat down in the tavern. The sounds of dialogue and laughter were around her and here she was, moping like an idiot. As hard as she tried, she worried. She wondered if Joel’s body was out on the road, and the last words she’d said to him were so cold… _‘No, if you’re so intent on killing yourself, just go, Joel.’ I told him to leave… God, I’m such a bitch._ Ellie sighed, taking a bottle of soft whiskey from a cooler beside her and pouring a small bit into a glass cup. Joel always made fun of her funny faces when she tried to drink alcohol. 

She remembered the first time Joel allowed it, God, he laughed so much that day. _‘Hey, you got more, that’s not fair.’ She muttered, looking at the two fingers of whiskey in Joel’s glass. She had a little less than a shot in her cup and she placed her hands on her hips, glaring up at him. ‘Ellie, you’d be on the floor if you had this much.’ He laughed, taking a subtle sip of his cup and smiling at the familiar taste. ‘Go on, try it.’ He motioned, watching her slowly let the amber liquid slip down her throat. Almost immediately, she spit it back up into the cup and Joel heartily laughed. ‘What the fuck?! That tastes like shit!’ Ellie coughed, wiping the liquid from her lips and placing the glass far away from her. ‘Well, I warned you.’ He chuckled, taking his cup and quickly swallowing all of it. She playfully glared at him, smacking his arm._  
“Geez, you look even more miserable than usual.” Ellie turned around, seeing Jesse smile at her. “God, did your cat die or something?” He teased, sitting beside her and looking at the small glass of whiskey before her. _See Dina’s having an effect on you._ He teased in his mind, smiling and taking the glass away. “Reckon Joel’s not back, then?” He asked, his natural, smooth accent spilling from his words. 

Ellie sighed, taking another sip of the drink and shaking her head, settling the glass down after. “Nope.” Jesse nodded, his playful smile weakening slightly. “Maria’s out looking for them.” She explained, meeting her friend’s eyes and seeing the true care in his eyes. That made her feel a little better. “What are you smiling about?” She asked, squinting her eyes and seeing the smirk on Jesse’s lips. 

Jesse took a small box from his jacket, slipping it into her hands and letting her slowly pull the silk ribbon from its base. Ellie smiled up at him, slowly unboxing the gift and seeing a small set of oil pastels in the set. Ellie looked up to him, smiling and kissing his cheek. He smiled, pushing her off and faking disgust, trying to cheer her up. “Thought you could use it for that shop Dina and you have.” 

“Thanks, Jesse.” She smiled, gently pressing the ribbon back around the box and looking up towards Jesse, who nodded, seeming prideful in himself. It somehow cheered Ellie up a little, even with Joel’s absence. Suddenly, two figures sat beside the small duo, both of them having malevolent expressions on their faces. “Someone’s sitting there.” Ellie lied, knowing the type of boys they were, she’d come familiar with privileged assholes in her time in Jackson. 

“Oh, sucks for them.” One of the boys and Ellie was reminded of her first encounter with Chase. But those days were long over and she’d healed from that accident, so now, she just glared at the boys, Jesse doing the same beside her. 

Jesse shuffled beside Ellie and the two friends met each other’s gaze. Jesse shrugged, the fighting and the cursing was usually up to Ellie. “Well, we’re going out to the swimming hole, babe, wanna join?” Usually Ellie would just curse them out, but now, she had no idea why she spontaneously burst into laughter, looking into Jesse’s eyes and giggling. The boys’ hard stares bore into her amused figure and she met their eyes, seeing they weren’t joking. 

“Oh, shit, you’re serious?” She asked, coughing slightly from her sudden laughter. The angry expressions on the boys answered her questions. Jesse nudged her, whispering something in her ear and she laughed, mocking the boys and angering them. “Uh, I’m gonna go with ‘no.’” Ellie answered, shaking her head and returning to her conversation with Jesse, completely ignoring the boys, though they didn’t move. 

Jesse and Ellie’s conversation continued and finally, the boys moved from the table, seeing nothing was going to come from it. Ellie felt a weight lift off of her as the boys left but then, she heard one of the boys murmur something to the other as they walked off towards another table that held a group of girls. “C’mon, she’s just mad her dad’s not here to perv on her.” Ellie’s ears picked that up and she turned around, seeing the boy’s walk away.

“What the fuck did you just say?” She demanded, her eyebrows furrowing into anger and suddenly, she felt her anger curl her hands into fists. Ellie stood, moving towards the boy. Jesse’s head picked up and he took Ellie’s arm before she could charge the boys. “Hey!” Ellie yelled to the boys but they’d run when they realized they heard her. Ellie had built a reputation in Jackson, mostly after Chase. 

“Hey, hey, calm down. Calm down.” Ellie tilted her head, glaring in the direction of the boys but Jesse tugged her, bringing her back to reality. “Don’t give them the time of day.” He murmured to her, tugging her hand gently and bringing her back to her chair. Slowly, the dialogue in the tavern was reborn and the usual music that ran from the old radios returned. “Okay…?” Jesse asked, meeting her eyes and breathing down his own anger from the boys. 

Ellie was certainly the most quick-headed of Dina, Jesse and Ellie. They’d become their own little family in the three and a half years and it was nice for Ellie -and even Dina- to have someone to rely on. Dina only had Maria and Tommy as someone to look up to after her sister was killed, and of course, Ellie only had Joel after Marlene was murdered. Jesse had his parents, but it wasn’t like life was easy. The world had ended and any childhood Jackson tried to stuff into them felt forced and unauthentic. “Yeah… yeah, sorry, I’m on a short fuse.” Ellie shook her head, thinking of Joel and sighing. Suddenly, a bell from outside rang and Ellie’s heart lept. 

“Go, go. Dina will probably be resurrected at some point.” Jesse joked and Ellie nodded, quickly getting up from the table and trotting out of the tavern. The bell was when patrols came back, and Tommy and Joel were the only ones out beyond the walls at the moment. Dina had already come back in, and even then, their treehouse was only a few dozen feet from the walls. Ellie’s feet pushed her forward and she saw Joel and Tommy’s horses by the ranch. 

_Joel._ She saw her father walking back towards their house with his face in the other direction. Ellie took a deep, shaky breath, except this time, her lungs actually worked and the fear that Joel wasn’t okay slowly was expunged from her teenage body. “Joel.” Before he could even turn around, Ellie sprinted towards him, wrapping her arms around him and squeezing him as tightly as she could. It felt like she was fifteen again but she didn’t care; she just hid her head in the crook of his neck and hugged him. She stopped tears from coming down her cheeks, somehow. “You’re here.” She whispered, smiling and keeping her head muffled in his neck. 

“Yeah, I’m right here.” He smiled, relieved she wasn’t still upset with him. _I should’ve said something before I left._ Joel realized, shaking his head and stroking Ellie’s back like she was a child again. “I’m fine.” He chuckled, brushing her long hair out and kissing the top of her head. Ellie took a deep breath, smiling for a second before remembering her anger at Joel. 

“How could you leave like that? Without even saying anything?” Ellie demanded, glaring up at him and showing the hurt in her eyes. Joel frowned deeply, gently taking her hand and finding himself in surprise when she didn’t rip it away. “I thought you left!” Ellie hissed, looking up at him and still only measuring to just below his collar bone. _We need to make a check-up soon… she’s been eating more and more with each day and still, nothin’. Shit._  
Joel bent down to her, meeting her eyes and heaving a deep sigh. Suddenly, he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “I know, I’m so sorry. I should’ve talked to you.” He whispered in her ear, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear and hiding himself in it. He hadn’t seen her in half a week and he’d never gone that long without her… Hell, since they met. He suddenly realized that was the first time they hadn’t been together for more than a day, besides Winter of course, and that made him feel even guilter. “That’s never gon’ happen again, I promise.” 

Ellie took a deep sigh, feeling like a little girl again in her father’s arms… though she supposed that was exactly what she was. “Okay… fine.” Ellie responded, slowly pulling herself from Joel and eyeing him, checking for any bites or any sign of infection. It was clear her anger was just hidden behind her concern, and he could see the hurt and tragedy hidden in the eyes he’d fallen in love with… God, he loved her so much. _Right…? So… why did he leave?_

Joel smiled, rustling her hair but she fixed it, still not completely happy with him. _“Joel?” Ellie called, feeling his absence beside her in the bed. She began to sleep in her own bed more, but on nights like this, nights where she thought of David, Joel always realized this and made sure he was right beside her. It got better, thinking of David, but part of that wasn’t true. As she got older, and Dina and her grew more serious, she just felt more and more guilty. Ellie was supposed to be able to have innocence thinking of romantics like that but now, all she could feel when she thought of intimacy was the cold, and David’s bald eyes staring into hers._ _  
__Each Winter since that first nightmare had been hard. Slowly, they grew a little easier for her one by one, but she was always so much more quiet and secluded during the cold seasons._ “Joel?” _Ellie said louder this time, not sensing him in the house. She threw the blankets off of her and pushed her feet into her slippers, standing. Ellie wore a pair of boxers that were much too large for her, and they nearly went down to her knees. A t-shirt draped over her body and it wrinkled as she left the room, calling: “Dad? Hey, Dad?” Joel’s presence was absent and she frowned, feeling a cold tingle travel up her spine._

 _When Ellie looked to the coat rack, she found his jacket missing and his familiar hiking boots gone. “Joel…?” She whispered, rushing to the kitchen and looking at the island he always threw his bag on, but finding nothing but dead air. “Joel!” She yelled at a higher-pitch, feeling fourteen again. “Hey, where are you?”_ He left. He left me. 

“Y’know what? You’re gon’ forgive me when you see what I scrounged up for your birthday.” Joel promised, kissing her forehead gently before taking her hand, leading her into the house. Ellie tried to peek in his backpack but he shook his head, placing it on the island and keeping it closed. “Uh uh, not ‘till tomorrow.” She whined in disappointment, placing her bag down and taking a deep breath. Joel made his way over, pulling a leaf from her hair. “Take it you two spent the night in that treehouse of yours, then?” He smirked, dropping the leaf beside her. “That roof holdin’ up?” 

Ellie smiled, nodding and taking her plushie from her bag, holding the worn stuffed animal in her slightly more mature arms. “Yeah, told ya it’d be worth it. Y’know, Sarah and I used to have one, right before everythin’.” Ellie nodded, taking a deep yawn and looking into Joel’s eyes. Her teenage body wrestled itself onto the couch and she yawned once again. Dina and her never got much sleep, they just stayed up all night. They’d always be silent, and just look up at the stars for the duration of the twilight evenings. Sometimes Ellie watched Dina sleep… she’d just watch as her girlfriend’s chest rose and fell peacefully in her slumber. 

Dina loved listening to Ellie when she told her about the stars. Ellie’s passion was so clear when she talked about the astrology she’d come to know. Ellie told Dina about Riley, and that made Dina only favor the ‘space-talk’ more… it seemed to cheer Ellie up when she thought of her first love. “Yeah… Sarah used to just sleep in there during the summer…” Joel chuckled, thinking of how rambunctious the young girl was, even if she was only thirteen. 

Ellie looked up at Joel, sighing finally and releasing her anger towards the old man. “So… guess we’re heading out this weekend for my birthday?” Ellie asked, watching Joel nod. His beard grew in a burly fashion and it wrinkled as he spoke. Joel’s voice was smoky and dry, but comforting and it settled in her ears like a melody. Ellie tried to remember how many years where it had been Joel and her. Even as she aged, that need for Joel had stayed and the fear of isolation grew as Joel’s hair grew grayer. 

“Yeah, think you’re gonna like this one.” _Oh, you’re proud of yourself, you old goober._ Ellie smiled, her eyes twinkling when she looked into his hazel irises. In the sunlight, they were luminescent. Joel trudged to the worn coffee machine and pressed a button on the contraption, making it start to spurt out a fresh aroma of -as Ellie called it- ‘bean water.’ Ellie slowly grew a liking for it, but that first feeling of disgust lingered somewhere in her mind. However, she’d made a steady addiction to hot cocoa, even during the summer. 

A small quiet lingered in the air and Ellie smiled, trying to imagine what it could be. “Is it a dog…? Please say it’s a dog.” He smiled, thinking about the amount of times she’d begged him for a dog over the past year, but he denied it. It’d remind him too much of Sarah, besides, he was allergic, but Ellie still pressed and pressed for a fluffy friend. Ellie helped out at the animal shelters in Jackson with Jesse sometimes, as they both shared that love of animals. Ellie tried to forget all of the animals she’d killed on their journey to Jackson for food. 

Sometimes, she thought of the fireflies, sometimes she talked to Marlene. _“I’m trying to forgive you… I understand why you did it: you wanted a cure. The worst part is… I would’ve said ‘no.’ I’ve… I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it, and I can’t leave Joel behind… I’m not doing that to him again. I would’ve said ‘no.’”_ Ellie felt guilty for saying that, but it was true. If Marlene was to wake her… she would’ve rejected the death sentence. If she had to look Joel in the eyes while Marlene told her what they had to do, she would’ve broken and said ‘no.’ 

“Nope, not doin’ this again.” He smiled, raising his hands and chuckling. Ellie smiled, watching as he ventured up the steps.

She wrinkled her nose, faking disgust and yelling up to Joel: “You know, before we go anywhere, think you could use a shower, or three.” He barked a fake laugh from upstairs but sure enough, in a few minutes, she heard the rush of the shower from upstairs. _Smelly old man._ She teased in her head, shaking her head and slowly standing. Her sneakers were left by the couch and her fuzzy socks slapped against the wooden flooring of the kitchen. _Fuck, I’m hungry… it’s been getting worse._

As she aged, her hunger and need for energy had been growing and growing. Joel traded for some medicine that presumably slowed the process, but neither of them could deny its acceleration. Ellie took a preserved plate of pasta from the refrigerator and placed it in the microwave. She fiddled with the buttons until finally, it went and a low hum sounded from the device. 

Minutes passed by and she heard the door of the bathroom open upstairs. As she slowly began to eat, Ellie frowned when her hunger didn’t retreat. _Goddammit._ She cursed, just eating more of the pasta and hoping the pit of famine in her stomach would hide away. Eventually, Joel crossed down the steps, his smile slowly fading away when he saw Ellie’s meal, even though she’d already eaten only one or two hours ago. “I dunno…” Ellie whispered, seeing the thought chained on his lips. 

“Yeah, reckon we should go back for a checkup soon.” Joel sighed, sitting beside her and watching her as she scarfed the spaghetti down. He smiled when a small strand of the food hung from her lips. “It’s probably nothin’.”   
“Joel, I’m old enough to know when you’re lying to me.” Ellie stated, looking up and boring her gaze into his dark, anxious eyes. He heaved a deep sigh, nodding and taking her hand. “I dunno… I’m just really hungry, like, all the time now.” Ellie admitted, finishing off the last of the pasta and slowly getting up, dipping the dirtied plate in the sink and washing warm water over the porcelain. “Maybe it’s nothing.” She quoted him, giving him a weak smile and tying her hair back. 

Joel could tell she had a nightmare after he left: after fostering her and making her his entire life, things like that were just obvious. But, she didn’t tell him. Joel could tell she was mad at him: he could see it in the constriction of her limbs and the side-eye he sometimes received. 

I’m so sorry… what am I doing? Turn back, turn back, go back. _Joel heard the crunch of the dirt underneath his boots and the moon’s disappointed glare rocking him like it was something he’d become used to._ What the hell am I doin’? _He asked himself, looking back at his house, his daughter’s house… the house he was running away from… he was running away because he was too scared to disappoint her. Ellie needed him: she needed him and here he was, running away for three days and leaving her behind when with each day, she’d become more silent. He knew it was her birthday, and he also knew what had transpired on her birthday so many years ago. ‘Maybe if I did something different… I dunno… maybe Riley’d still be here.’ But she was quiet this time, maybe she was following after Joel… he didn’t want that._

 _Joel knew he wasn’t a good example for Ellie, for anyone, but she didn’t care. In her eyes, he was everything to her, and he pridefully took that, but an inch of fear came with that._ What if she ends up like me? A monster? _It was funny that Sarah’s birthday fell just a week before Ellie’s… Ellie had surprised him for it… she painted Sarah and him, their photo that he’d treasured for so many years now… Joel couldn’t remember the last time he cried like that. He tried to hide it, he felt so… weak. That night, on her birthday… he tried to hide the sounds of his crying, and Ellie had to see him like that. But… she didn’t judge him… why didn’t she think he was weak, when he was a sorry excuse for a father? Joel was trying to figure it out in his head…_

 _And now, he was running… ‘I… I’m scared. I’m scared you’re… you’re not going to be here forever, and… I don’t want to be alone again, Dad.’_ Some dad I am. _He thought, mentally bullying himself with each step he took leading him to the wall: the wall that led outside… outside. Outside. He knew outside all too well. It was the outside that took his daughter away, it was the outside that raped Ellie… it was the outside that ripped away everything from him and yet, here he was running towards it and away from the only good thing left in the world… the only thing he had left._ Why do I have you…? I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve any of this… so why did God gift me with this… with this little, fierce ball of everything I needed? 

_When he saw Tommy awaiting him by the wall’s edge, he could see the look in Tommy’s eyes and he turned away. Tommy was… he was Uncle Tommy again. It was weird: Maria and him had been denied the ability to have children and just then, came Ellie. God, did Maria love Ellie. Maybe she didn’t show it, and she knew she had to work on that, but… God: she loved her. And the same went for Tommy. “Alright… let’s go.” Nothing was spoken between the brothers, as would proceed for the duration of the weekend._ I’m such a prick. _Joel thought, shaking his head and mounting his horse. He’d named it Red… Sarah’s favorite was Red when he took her horse-back riding. Was it stupid to think that horse had survived…? That some part of his daughter had survived?_

“We should get going.” Ellie whispered before he could say anything… he barely had apologized, but he would make it up to her. Joel promised that in his gaze. She broke it, treading upstairs and getting her bag… it held her knife and her gun. That level of paranoia that was birthed after David stayed, and it killed him, but there was nothing he could do to change it. David had become a part of Ellie, and though she was able to heal from it, sometimes his voice would still haunt her in her dreams, or… nightmares. Joel tried to get her to see someone once… like that ended well. It just made her feel like she was a freak, but she saw his care for her… and that helped on weeks like these, where she couldn’t get those bald, haunting eyes out of her brain when she closed her eyes and tried to sleep. “I’m gonna go ahead, Dina’s waiting for me… I… I’ll see you there.” _I love you._ That’s what she would’ve said… if Joel hadn’t left -abandoned- her for a week. 

_If you died… if Tommy died, I wouldn’t have even known. I wouldn’t have even known if the whole world exploded, Joel… how could… how could you do that?_ Ellie asked him, looking into his eyes and searching for any answer. “Yeah… I’ll see you there.” He whispered back, even if he wanted to say so much more to her. Joel could see the hurt hidden in her and he knew their argument from earlier would be resurfacing, but he knew he deserved it. He _knew_ that being alone was her worst fear, the monster under the bed, and yet, he left. He left her for half a week: alone. 

Ellie still felt alone, even though he was right there. When he returned and saw one of his flannels on her still small body, he knew exactly what he had done to her by leaving like that. “Okay.” She softly returned, slowly tying her shoes and leaving a last, lingering look on Joel, on her father. But soon, it was cut short and she shut the door behind her. 

_You’re an idiot._ He knew that would be the only phrase he’d be saying for the next week. _You’re an idiot._ It was true: he’d been given a second chance, a second daughter… and he left her. He left her behind after she had shown her fear of him not being there. Joel slowly followed her outside, but her figure had already disappeared from vision. 

Maria wanted to make Jackson not just a settlement, but one of the last pockets of humanity that could be found into this new, horrifying world… what better way to do that then a dance…? Like the last one had gone so well. Ellie could still picture Faye’s tattoo, clear as day, in her mind. Sometimes she still dreamed of that woman… they were never good. Maybe it was her brother’s burnt, charred body just laying before Ellie, or Joel’s. “Heyyyyyy! Thought you died.” Dina joked, bumping Ellie’s arm and kissing her quickly on the cheek. Jesse was waiting outside the town hall, moving towards his friends with an awkward smile. Dina greeted him, latching her arms around both Ellie and Jesse’s, and moving them towards the ‘dance.’ “C’mon, c’mon! It’s been, like, fucking centuries since one of these things.” 

“Dina, you’re seventeen.” Jesse teased and Dina shot him a playfully disappointed look. She scrambled the jet-black hair on Jesse’s head and simply looked to Ellie, seeing the girl’s split face. It was clear she wasn’t completely at the dance, and part of her was still in that night where Joel left, but she pushed it down. For the first time in nearly two years, she just pushed it down instead of processing it like Joel had taught her. “Gee, did your dog die?” 

“Oh, hardy har.” Ellie barked, sticking her tongue out at Jesse and sending him a fake glare. Jesse smiled, even on a somewhat cold, summer night. “Nah, just… nothing, let’s just have fun.” Ellie took a deep breath, shaking the bad memories and anger at Joel off for just a few hours and bringing herself fully to her friends. 

Dina’s sight lingered on Ellie for a second, but finally, the girl nodded, nearly dragging Jesse and Ellie into the dance. Both Jesse and Ellie had the same feeling about dances. It was usually: ‘who the fuck ever thought this was a good idea?’ 

“Alright, I’m off to food.” Ellie announced, breaking away from Dina and Jesse after what felt like an eternity of Dina’s trying to get Ellie and Jesse to dance… it ended in her spastically dancing around like a madman, while Ellie and Jesse awkwardly stood beside her. Dina tried to grab for her but she just laughed, dodging Dina’s attempt. Her stomach was clawing at her, even if Ellie had only been there for… what, two hours? Deep down, Ellie tried to push down the thought that her immunity was slowly sucking the life out of her, but she couldn’t… she knew Joel couldn’t either, or Tommy. _‘Uncle Tommy…’ God, I’m four years old._ Ellie chuckled, thinking of the seemingly hardened man with such a soft name. _I should talk to Joel…_ Ellie finally thought, pushing the blasting music from her head and just focusing on the measly amount of food on her plate. 

It never helped that she didn’t like eating much in the first place, not after David. But now she had to, just not to pass out. It certainly had accelerated since she was fifteen, since she found out… Ellie just didn’t think about it, or tried not to. “Y’know… these things are overrated.” Ellie looked up, seeing Jesse’s dainty smile meeting her eyes. She nodded in agreement, letting Jesse lead her to a table and sit her down to eat. 

He had a small plate in his hands as well, just a piece of bread and some pasta. “Yeah, but… Dina likes them.” Ellie had to speak loudly to go against the raging music, and when she turned her head, she saw Dina dancing with another group of kids like an absolute maniac. Ellie actually smiled, and a small giggle escaped her lips. Jesse looked to the destination of her eyes and also smirked when he saw Dina. 

“God, we should probably get her home soon.” 

“Yup.” Ellie smirked, taking a small bite of the bread in her plate but after her stomach growled once again, she quickly scarfed it down. “Just let her have a little more fun, first, though.” She replied softly, smiling towards Jesse and seeing the boy’s golden grin towards what he now considered his family: Ellie and Dina. Ellie looked at Dina's bracelet on her arm and she fingered the charm gently, seeing that the color had worn a little in the years that it was chained to Ellie’s arm.

‘ _It’s a charm of safety… you keep it on, alright? I need you to stay safe for me, Ellie. I can’t lose you.’_ Ellie remembered when Dina had given it to her: it was right before she told Dina of what had happened in Winter. “So, Joel got home okay?” Jesse asked and Ellie smiled at how Dina and Jesse had become to get acquainted with Ellie’s father… it was nice to see that Joel cared about her friends, and that he approved. Ellie nodded, not mentioning the distaste of when Joel left… was she stupid to be this upset…? Was she overreacting? Maybe she was just too scared the world would take Joel away and she was doing it by herself before he could be ripped from her. “Good…” 

Jesse and Ellie both looked at Dina’s dancing body and finally, they both started laughing, large smiles on both of their flushed faces. “Go, before she cracks her head open.” Ellie ordered in a joking manner, pushing Jesse towards Dina and watching the boy approach her girlfriend with a nervous smile. Finally, Ellie finished the meal on her plate and tossed the paper onto the table. Her eyes scanned the environment for Joel and she found the old man, standing alone in the corner. Sometimes Ellie wondered what would have happened if Faye never existed… would Joel be able to be happy? _I can’t be good enough…_ She thought, shaking her head and making her hands wrestle with each other nervously. _Doesn’t he want someone -something- besides just… me?_

Finally, Ellie stood, clearly seeing that Joel had been keeping an eye on her for the entirety of the dance, but tore his gaze away when Ellie looked in his direction. She approached the old man, leaning beside him and tying her hand with his. “Hey…” 

Joel smiled when he saw her and accepted her grip, holding her hand in his. “Hey, kiddo.” His voice was so soothing to her and instantly, she couldn’t find the ability to care about the growing problem of her longing hunger, or anything else… “Y’know, you never told me you were so good at dancing.” He teased and he laughed when he saw her cheeks brighten and affix a red shade in their depth. 

“Oh, shut up.” Ellie smiled, smacking his shoulder, letting herself fall into him and lean on his shoulder. Of course, he wore one of his flannels, matching the one she’d stolen from him. It was almost comical how many of the shirts he wore, but the sight of them made Ellie calm and always was soothing to her. Joel let her fall into him and he smiled down at her, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “You shouldn’t have left like that.” Ellie finally spoke, looking up into Joel’s eyes and seeing him cringe at her words. “I thought you left for real…” 

“I know… I’m sorry.” He whispered, and she heaved a deep sigh, standing up straight but still keeping his hand in hers. “Listen, I… when Sarah was… alive…” He said those words with such sickness, but when he tried to think back to any time before Ellie, he found it difficult. “I didn’t need to be scared about… Infected, or… losing her…” _Maybe I should’ve… if I did would she still be alive?_ “But, now, everyday I have to just…” Joel heaved a deep sigh, taking a second and looking down to Ellie, seeing her warm expression. He averted his eyes up to the worn chandelier that hung in the town hall and shut his eyes, remembering Sarah. “Everyday, I have to worry about you… not bein’ there tomorrow, and I was scared. I was scared… so I left. I’m sorry.” 

Ellie’s eyes widened and she squeezed his hand, hugging him and pushing herself into Joel’s arms. He breathed a sigh of relief, stroking her back and letting her hide in him. “I know… but… I know how to take care of myself… and I can’t get Infected, alright? I’m not gonna go anywhere, Dad.” _Dad…_ that was the first time she’d said that since he’d told her about the patrol. A slow song affixed on the stereo and Joel looked down at Ellie, brushing her hair loose and kissing the top of her head… she felt like a little girl, but she didn’t care: it was just Joel and her, and she was fine with that. 

Joel slowly nudged Ellie, taking her hand and leading her to the dance floor. “Do you wanna dance?” He cooed, and she let out a small laugh. But when she met his eyes, she saw that he was serious. He had a proud smile affixed on his lips and part of the pink skin was shaded by the wiry hairs of his beard. 

“Oh… you’re serious?” She laughed quietly when he nodded but before he could say anything, he slowly pulled her from his arms, positioning her hands around his neck. He placed his hands on her hips and she smiled up at him, her face being affixed with a grin. “God, you’re so corny.” She smiled, screwing his face into the crook of his neck, even if she could barely reach it, even despite her being seventeen. Sometimes her height made her feel like a child, even if Joel teased her, saying she still was. Ellie didn’t feel like a child after everything she’d seen. 

“Yeah… but you like it.” 

“Yeah… I do.” Ellie admitted, her voice muffled in the collar of his flannel and she smiled at the familiar scent of coffee and the forest. Joel’s hands on her hips gently made her sway to the music and she giggled at the sad attempt of dancing. The rest of the room quieted and it felt like it was just a father and daughter, dancing like the world hadn’t ended. Sometimes Ellie thanked Sarah… she thanked Sarah for letting Joel come to her. She always felt guilty for doing so, but she really was thankful for the series of events both of them had to endure to get to each other. 

“Y’know… you haven’t sung for me in a while.” Joel smirked, looking down at her head, hidden in him. “Whaddya say, have our own little concert when we get back?” Sometimes he still talked to her like a child… but she was in his eyes: she was his little girl, and he still could see the strong, little girl who’d pulled him from the mist years ago… three. It had been three years. Joel rejoiced each day. 

Ellie smirked in his arms and she nodded, noticing the song begin to close. It was the same song that they’d listened to all the way back in Pittsburgh. Ellie smiled as the song came to a close and they just stood there for a moment until finally, Ellie heaved a deep yawn. “I’m tired…” She whispered, pulling herself from Joel’s arms and concealing another yawn. 

She looked younger than seventeen, if he’d had to guess without knowing, Joel would’ve said she was only fifteen or sixteen. Still, she flaunted her age to Joel and used it to make herself seem more grown. _‘Joel, I’m seventeen, I think I know how to put a DVD in!’_ He laughed when she failed at loading the movie into the television and she smacked him with a pillow… that was a good night. “Alright, baby girl… let’s get you home.” He kissed the top of her head and she allowed a small upwards curl of her lips. “So, uh… after we go out for your birthday, I was thinking… maybe we should get a checkup soon, just… to make sure everythin’s still healthy…?” He asked carefully, knowing she didn’t like talking about it. 

Ellie thought something was wrong with her, and in her head, there was. Her immunity had literally broken her and now she was reaping the consequences. The tightening of her stomach sealed the fact that Joel was right: her hunger and exhaustion was increasing with each day and any growl of her stomach frightened her. “Yeah, I… I guess.” Ellie nodded, still lining her head in the crook of Joel’s neck as they slowly escaped the town hall, walking back towards the ivory house they’d established as their home. “Yeah… after my birthday, though?” She asked, looking into his eyes from inside his arms and trying to allow a smile, but when they were discussing her slow and tedious death, it was anything but easy. 

“Deal.” He nodded, tightening his arms around her until finally, they arrived at their destination and stood before the fairly large house. Ellie pushed ahead, forcing the door open and immediately taking the uncomfortable boots Dina forced her to wear off, tossing them beside the door. “God, I can’t believe girls were able to manage heels for more than three seconds.” Ellie commented, remembering the first -and last time- she ever tried them on. Dina tried to dress her up, it was Ellie’s gift to Dina for her birthday and so… the day commenced with Ellie somehow convincing Ellie to get into a dress and wear heeled shoes. Ellie almost fell down every single one of the dozen steps in Dina’s house, and almost broke her leg again. Beside her concern, that was the most Dina had laughed in a good amount of time. 

“Yeah, Sarah tried them on for some school dance once, those shoes didn’t last long.” 

“I don’t blame her, they’re a fucking prison sentence.” Ellie shrugged, wanting to chuck the shoes out of a window. She was fine with her sneakers and honestly, given the world she had to grow up in, Ellie didn’t understand the reason for dressing up and pretending everything was okay. The beautiful, lace dress Dina had gifted to Ellie after her day of dress-up still hid in Ellie’s closet. “Hey, is… is it okay if I stay in your room tonight?” Ellie asked, meeting Joel’s eyes with her lip curled up. It wasn’t a good week, not for sleep. Her birthday -and Riley’s anniversary- was tomorrow and of course, with Joel leaving, well… she wasn’t able to sleep very well for the past few days and she wanted the somewhat nice night to continue, not be smeared with the memory of another terrifying nightmare, Now that Joel was back, she was going to take advantage of that and try to get through the terrible week with his help, which he was happy to provide. 

“Of course, baby girl.” He watched her smile and she dipped her head in gratitude, moving upstairs to get into pajamas, and going through her nightly ritual to get ready for bed. Brushing her teeth was something she’d almost completely forgotten about, but she knew that Joel was glad she changed that, and she for him. Finally, she climbed into Joel’s bed and hid her bare feet under the warm blankets. The summer nights were surprisingly cold and she wore a pair of Dina’s oversized boxers with a tank-top. Joel slowly followed her and in an instant, she felt like she was fourteen. Ellie nestled herself into Joel’s arms and he smiled down at her, brushing her hair out behind her ear. 

She laid her head on his chest and took in a deep breath, smelling the aroma of bitter coffee and the depth of the forests. Ellie felt better like this, it was a stark contradiction to the past four days of him not being there and she imagined the world where he didn’t come back. Tommy and him were gone and her last words to Joel was patronizing him, yelling at him for wanting to leave her. “I’m never leavin’ again, I swear to you.” Joel promised in a hushed voice and she looked up at him, meeting his eyes in the highlight of the moonlight’s luminescence. 

“Okay… I believe you.” Ellie whispered softly, pushing herself up and nestling her head closer to Joel’s head atop his chest. As he lulled her to sleep, drawing soft circles on her back with his hand, he realized how lucky they were. It was a mistake they were both alive: a cosmic error. That wasn’t how it was supposed to be… there wasn’t allowed to be anything worth fighting for in this cruel world… but they survived. For some reason, they were alive. “Night… Dad.” Ellie whispered and he smiled, kissing the top of her head and feeling her slip into slumber underneath his touch. 

_How are you so damn cute?_ He asked, smiling down at her and brushing her hair out of her face. After watching her slumber for a few minutes, he decided that she was in a peaceful sleep, due to her calm and slow breaths. He placed his hand on her heart, smiling with each _thump thump_ of her heartbeat. It was the reason for his life, the only reason he could see for him to live. “I love you.” He murmured softly, realizing he’d forgotten to tell her again. Joel made sure she knew that simple -yet fatal- fact everyday. Maybe it was just making sure she had a warm mug of hot cocoa to wake up to, or trusting her to go on patrols alone with Dina and Jesse… but she knew it. He made sure she knew it. _I’m never leaving you again._ He assured her but when he tried to sleep, he found he didn’t want to. 

The past three days were an anticlimactic nightmare. Being without Ellie for the first time since they met wasn’t something he wanted or welcomed in the slightest. It was a peaceful three days and for the first one, he’d tried to talk to his daughter with the walkie he’d given to her… the message went through and he knew she heard his want for her to respond, but he hurt her by leaving. When he returned from the trip, he found her walkie’s batteries in the kitchen and the corpse of the device smashed in the garbage… he felt terrible, he was just relieved she forgave him for leaving. 

Finally, after almost an hour of just watching her chest rise and fall peacefully, he shut his eyes, burying his head in her hair and breathing deeply. Her hair smelled like the fresh beginnings of a campfire and he smiled, kissing the top of her head and slowly submitting himself to unconsciousness. _I love you so much… and I don’t deserve you, not at all._

thanks so much for reading! i can't add notes onto the first chapter of a work so bear with me until next time :3 this season isn't really going to have much plot, just build tension and relationships until i cover the humongous job of part 2. i hope you all enjoyed this chapter, more coming soon! requests are open, but i won't get to them for a chapter or two because of some things i have planned. comments/kudos appreciated as always, and happy new year!


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ellie's seventeenth birthday.

“Alright, get up, birthday girl.” Joel teased, shaking her gently and seeing her quickly rip from her slumber. When she saw Joel’s arm gently waking her,  __ her body relaxed and she gently laid back. “C’mon, let’s get going-” 

“It’s like, fucking, six A.M, Joel.” Ellie whined, turning her face back in the pillow and holding it tightly like a stuffed animal. She pressed her hands into the soft material and let out a monstrous yawn. “Can’t we sleep in…?” She whispered, covering herself with the blankets again and comfortably digging herself into the comforter… what were they trying to prove, sleeping apart? Both of them knew it felt more comfortable being together. Even as Ellie got older, her need for Joel stayed and she didn’t want to separate from him, not even during the night.   
Besides, the night she wasn’t at home, she was with her friends, or in Dina’s and her treehouse. Ellie missed being able to just come home and know Joel was staying up, waiting to make sure she came home safe… and then, she could just crawl into his bed and hide in his arms. But now that she was older, Ellie lost that ability and she absolutely hated it… she swore to herself she’d regain it. “Nah, I like to get an early start on things.”   
Ellie knew he just woke her up so early to see the furious little smirk on her face and it was clear by the smile on his face. “I’m going to kill you.” She whispered, planting her head into the pillow and shaking her head. He chuckled softly and she saw he was already dressed. _Fucking hell, Joel, when did you get up…?_ Ellie asked him in her mind, shaking her head and pulling the sheets over her, covering herself. “Just… five more minutes.” Ellie grumbled, screwing her eyes shut and curling up into a ball. 

“Nope: c’mon, don’t wanna miss that fresh morning air.” Before Ellie could do anything he ripped the blankets off of her body, exposing her to the chilly, morning air.   
She yelped at the freezing temperature and moved to get the blankets back but he held them above her head, grinning down at her with a fatherly charm. “Jesus fucking christ, I’m up, I’m up.” She groaned, sliding off of the bed and smacking the top of his hair, messing it in playful anger and moving past him towards her room to get dressed. “You’re so going to pay for that.” Ellie murmured softly, wiping the sleep from her eyes and closing the door behind her. 

Slowly, she stripped her shirt off and pulled one of Dina’s hoodies that the girl gifted to her over her chest, sealing herself in the fuzzy material. “Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.” Joel’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door and she smiled, shaking her head. Ellie slowly pulled her pajama pants off and moved towards a pair of jeans on the bed’s wool comforter.  _ Sleep would be good right now…  _ She thought tiredly and heard the small constriction of her stomach as she finished dressing.  _ Dammit…  _

As Ellie slowly pulled her jeans up she sighed sadly, still able to see small scars on her legs and the interior of her thighs from almost three full years ago now… she still thought about David, maybe more than she should’ve. But now, she could actually go days -weeks- without thinking of him… it felt like she wasn’t broken anymore… Ellie didn’t know why that made her want to cry. “Why are we going so early…? My birthday present should be to sleep in.” Ellie looked into his eyes after he opened the door and she gazed up into his twinkling eyes. 

“Nah… think it’s nice to get a fresh start.” Joel shrugged, watching Ellie slide down the wooden railing of the stairs with a laugh. She made her way to the refrigerator and Joel’s smile dropped for a second when he saw her hunting in the kitchen, looking for any food.  _ Gotta remember to get a checkup tomorrow…  _ “Hey, y’know, coffee gives ya energy, maybe you should try that.” 

Ellie let out a small laugh and shook her head, making a small strand of hair fall from her ponytail. Joel pushed it behind her ear and she allowed herself a small smile, looking into his eyes. “You’re not gaslighting me into drinking coffee… I have no fucking clue how you like that stuff, old man.” Ellie shook her head, searching through the cabinets and smiling when she saw a final pocket of hot chocolate in the cupboards. “See, this? This is quality.” She flaunted the bag and took a mug from the counter, pouring milk in and heating it in the microwave. 

“Yeah, think you’re addicted to that stuff now.” Joel chuckled, watching her cook the liquid and then continue her search for food. “I, uh… I made a checkup… for tomorrow.” Joel spoke softly, watching her movements carefully as she took in his words. Joel was supposed to help, that was his job: a father was supposed to help… but he just felt like he was stuck in time, unable to do anything.”If… if you don’t want me to come, I-” 

“No, can… can you?” Ellie asked, looking back into his eyes with a sad expression. Joel took her hand, nodding instantly and squeezing it. “Thanks…” She whispered, finally letting go and taking out food Joel had packed for the day. “So, I hope you know, I’m expecting a whole pack of giraffes this time.” Ellie teased, remembering the small beast he’d surprised her with… that was the day after Faye. Sometimes she still went and revisited the giraffe… What did she name it?  _ Bob… that’s right.  _ Ellie smiled at the stupidity of it and thought of how much the animal had grown in the three years of its existence in Jackson.  _ A fucking giraffe is better at growing than me.  _ “It’s probably nothing.” Ellie shrugged, trying to convince herself of the lie. 

Joel nodded and slowly, his breath dragged out into a small sigh and he cleared the conversation from the air. “Alright… let’s get goin’, then.” There was a hoarseness in his voice and inside, she felt part of herself cringe…  _ Joel shouldn’t have to worry about me like this.  _ Ellie thought, taking her sneakers and slipping them onto her feet. It was scary to her that she was still able to wear the same shoes from when she was fifteen… she thought she was growing… what if she was the same, little girl she was back then? Ellie tore that fact away from her brain, not wanting to accept it. 

“Hey, Joel? Think we could use some good, old-fashioned jokes.” It’d been weeks since he heard that, as she was trying to make herself seem more grown up to Joel, but it was just a cute attempt to him. Ellie would just cross her arms and stick out her tongue, arguing how she had the wisdom of a million years. “Here: two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, I think I’ve lost an electron. The other says, Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive… I don’t get it.” Ellie grumbled, turning to another page and reading another pun from the withered pages of the joke-book. Riley’s had been lost during winter, so when Joel gifted her another one on the way to Salt Lake, she made sure to keep this one safe. It never got tarnished and she always knew exactly where it was… she loved the gift so much. “The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi… goddammit, the pun gods aren’t smiling on us today.” Ellie grumbled, closing the book and hiding it away in the pocket of her bags. 

He smiled down at her, still able to see his little girl in her more grown body: when she was just fourteen… god, he loved her so much. He was so proud of her, and the person she’d grown into. Ellie was so much stronger than him, in his mind. Joel never thought he’d be a father again, he never even considered it… Sarah was twelve when he lost her, but this time would be different. Ellie was going to survive, he’d make sure of that. “Here’s one, um… what do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.”

Ellie laughed as they made their way towards the ranch, moving to get Shimmer. Ellie grew an affection for the grown mare and deemed the beast her horse, even if she stayed at the stables. In hindsight, Ellie realized it would be tough to fit the grown animal in the medium-scaled house they lived in. “Okay, that’s not bad.” She smiled and she moved up to the wooden doors of the ranch, pulling them apart. 

She whistled to Shimmer and slowly, the horse raised its head from its slumbering stance. “Yeah, you got to sleep in, didn’t you?” Ellie looked back to Joel, tilting her head with a fake glare and squinting her eyes at him. He smiled and raised his hands in the air, surrendering to her icy stare. “C’mon, then.” She whispered, saddling the horse and climbing aboard. At least, she had to duck under the wooden panels now to escape Shimmer’s pen. 

“Y’know, you’re pretty good with these things.” Joel smirked, taking her hand and climbing behind aboard before her, feeling her hands settle on his shoulders. He remembered their dance from last night and smiled when he thought of her dainty, awkward little smile. “You would’ve been a good horse-wrangler.” 

Ellie laughed, looking into his eyes and shaking her head. “The fuck is a horse… wrangler?” Ellie giggled at the final words, not knowing why it sounded so silly to her when it was just a regular word. “You lived in a weird fucking world, Joel.” Her lips pulled her freckled cheeks up and she kept her head on Joel’s shoulder, exhaustion still hidden in her. 

When she closed her eyes, her head still right beside his shoulder, she felt him shaking her gently. “Uh uh, you ain’t allowed to sleep on your  _ birthday. _ ” He faked a frightened gasp and she raised an eyebrow at him, simply shutting her eyes again. If it were Winter, he would’ve already chucked a snowball at her but now the dead state of Summer hung over the mountainous region of Jackson. 

“I don’t know why you insist on my torture, Joel.” She yawned, tilting her head back and slowly disconnecting her head from his body. “Where are we going?” She asked and she quickly recognized the vast forests of Jackson. Sunlight peeked through the dying tree branches and Ellie felt the heat illuminate her face. The sun was still low in the sky due to the early hour and pink pastels were sketched throughout the sky, matched with violet and light pink. 

“You’ll see.” He murmured, gently shaking Shimmer’s reins and making the horse accelerate slightly. “Here we are: almost there.” When Ellie looked up, she saw a large, desolated town before them. She recognized it as one of the patrol spots: Jesse had gone with her… that was the first patrol that was that far out of Jackson Joel allowed her to go on. Slowly as the years went on, he began to place his trust in her and know that she would take it valiantly and come home. “It might not be a  _ dinosaur _ , but I think you’ll like it.” 

Ellie’s smile grew when she remembered the dinosaur museum. The previous year, Ellie didn’t even want anything, she just demanded Joel take her back to the museum and the dinosaurs she left behind. Names were given to all of them: Eugene and John, the two brachiosaurus’ names and then of course: Sparky, the T.Rex. She painted a small moustache on him when Joel took her back the previous day. “Y’know… think that music box will be hard to beat.“ When Ellie was sixteen, Joel made her a little music box with stars painted on the exterior. 

_ “Alright, alright, alright, let me open it, c’mon, c’mon!” Ellie smiled, seeing the large gift in front of her. Joel smiled, beckoning her towards the bag which she instantly ripped open, revealing the hand-carved music box. Her breath hitched and she looked up to Joel, a giant smile on her face. It was her figure in the center with her astronaut helmet on, and the wooden form of the planets and stars surrounded her carved body. “Joel…”  _

_ “Look, and then you crank it and, it, uh, it plays music… Sarah used to have one.” He murmured, nervously awaiting her reaction. A giant smile lived on Ellie’s cheeks and she looked over, giggling quietly and suddenly wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him close to her. “You like it…?” He whispered, smiling when he heard her laugh… God, he loved her laugh.  _

_ “Are you fucking kidding…? I love it.”  _ Ellie smiled, looking forward at him on the horse and seeing a large building before him. “What is this…?” She asked, squinting her eyes at the rusted signs of the stores, but all she could make out was:  _ Jackson something Rock… the hell is that?  _ Ellie thought in her head, not able to make out the second word. Joel looked so proud and she smiled at him. “Y’know, you should trade for some hair dye, you’re getting really gray… do you get it, it’s because you’re old.” 

Joel looked back at her, barking a laugh and rolling his eyes. “Y’know, I’m gon’ make sure you regret all them jokes.” He smiled softly, messing her hair and she shook him off, slowly dismounting Shimmer. He followed close behind and as the last of Summer died, the beginnings of autumn sailed through her slightly long hair in the wind. “

“Think I need to cut it again.” Ellie spoke with a grumble, tying her hair up behind her and frowning when her ponytail still fell just above the nape of her back. “Jesse said he used to do that stuff in town.” She remembered and smiled when she thought of Dina’s and her shop.  _ I need to start thinking of something for her birthday.  _ Ellie made a mental list in her brain and shut her eyes, remembering all of the conversations she’d had with her girlfriend in the past year.  _ She likes when I paint her things… Maybe I can make something for the boutique. How do you give something to someone who’s so… perfect?  _

Ellie loved Dina so much… she was so perfect. Dina was so pretty, she was so understanding… Whenever Ellie had a nightmare, Dina was always right there. If Dina had a nightmare of her sister, it was the same: they were always there for each other. And as they grew older, Dina was so understanding of Ellie’s fear to actually do anything intimate. Winter traumatized her and she wasn’t physically able to do anything like that. If she even tried it’d just end with David’s words whispering in her head. “Alright, kiddo… happy birthday.” Joel whispered, smiling at her as she pushed her way through the building’s rusted doors. 

She looked around, instantly feeling a giant smile slip on her lips. When her eyes moved around the store, she saw walls covered in vinyl records and guitars. Drum sets and basses lined the floor and Ellie was quiet for a second. “Holy  _ shit,  _ Joel.” She beamed, looking back to him and seeing a small curl of his lips. “What the fuck…? This is amazing, Joel!” Ellie rushed to one of the vinyl records, gently taking it from the wall and smelling it. 

“What are you doin’?” He laughed, trotting towards her and seeing the label in her hands. It shined under the sunlight, which streamed through the gaps of the roof. Ellie’s hair whipped behind her as she ran from vinyl to vinyl, slipping them into her back. 

“Look, they have that… music smell.” Joel looked at her for a second before laughing, shaking his head and taking one of the records from her, smelling it was pink cheeks. “I don’t smell nothin’.” He shrugged, giving her back the disk and watching her slip it into her bag. “Now, where are you plannin’ on putting all of this?” 

Ellie moved to one of the sets of drums, being surprised when she saw the skins on the metal rims weren’t burst in. The instrumental massacres she’d seen in stores like these… “Can you play the drums, Joel?” She asked him, taking the drumsticks beside the instrument and pressing them against the main drums. It sounded like the cheers of a marching band from a lullaby, but it came out garbled and screechy due to Ellie’s non-existent knowledge of drums. “There was this music teacher back at school, me and Riley would always sneak out to listen to him play.”  _ That was the only good part of that fucking school.  _ “Y’know… Riley made a guitar out of an oil can once.” 

Joel’s eyes widened and he smiled when he saw she no longer frowned thinking of Riley… he taught her to heal, and instead of pushing all of it down, she could actually recover now. Now, when she thought of Riley, or the trip to Salt Lake, she was able to smile back at the good parts instead of focusing on the bloody ends. “Sarah wanted to do drums… too loud for my taste.” He tapped one of the cymbals and they responded with a metallic  _ twang  _ of the material. “Guitar’s nice and smooth, sounds soft.” 

“Y’know, you should put some of your guitars in the marketplace.” Ellie shrugged, remembering when she’d been shy to trade her art for supplies and little things for Joel. She made sure he had a steady supply of coffee, to say the least. It was nice to see that people actually enjoyed her art, and Tommy even let her do some morals on the wall of Jackson with Dina and Jesse… mostly with spray paint. “Seriously, Joel! Could make some serious cash with that.” 

“Nah, I don’t need ‘cash’… you’re fine for me.” A comfortable silence fell in the air and she smiled back at him, actually feeling… What was the word?  _ Happy.  _ That seemed so impossible years ago: after Winter it felt like she was broken and could never be fixed. But now, it felt like she could actually  _ live  _ and not  _ survive.  _ Ellie slowly was learning what it felt like to be human, and not the stale  _ lump  _ she’d been birthed into after Winter. 

Ellie shook her head, a small strand of hair falling from her braid. “You’re so corny.” Ellie grinned, but she liked it. Joel was such a father, the most basic,  _ amazing  _ kind and she loved him. When she thought he wouldn’t return from patrol the previous day, it felt like she couldn’t breathe… it was like her lungs were slowly filling with water and she just couldn’t breathe. “Hey Joel: singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.” He smiled, chuckling slightly and messing her hair. Strands fell from the loose braid and she suddenly felt like she was fourteen again: Ellie was so old and so young at the same time. “Um… what is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?” 

“What?”

“A trombone.” Joel heaved a deep sigh, pressing his hand to his forehead and shutting his eyes. That action only made her cackle more, but her sight was quickly torn away. “Holy shit, look! It’s a vinyl player, wait… do you think this still works?” Ellie pulled the plastic cover off of the player and blew the dust off of the cover.  _ Always wanted to do that.  _ Ellie smiled, unzipping the case and tossing it aside. 

Joel shrugged, turning his head towards the ancient machine and watching Ellie fiddle with it. “I dunno… give it a try.” He spoke softly, illuminating the machine with his flashlight while she decided how to turn it on. “Switch that and… there you go.” Dull lights blew on the side of the player’s controls and her face lit up. “Y’know, we can take this back home if you can get it to work.” 

Ellie smiled and her ambition to make music pour from the old speakers grew tremendously. “Wait, wait…” She whispered, pulling one of the vinyls from her messenger bag and slipping it into the player’s mechanism. “Here, you need to put this on here, and-” Ellie was cut off as loud music poured from the machine and she giggled, looking up at Joel with a proud expression. “It works!” She announced, raising her fists up in celebration and smiling. 

The song was garbled at first, but finally: it set itself out and Ellie recognized the music she had dubbed: ‘fuzzy music.’ It was the music that made your toes feel warm, and the music you’d listen to on Christmas, even if it wasn’t Christmas music. It sounded like something that she’d hear on a snowy night, curled up in front of the fireplace, with Joel beside her… but it wasn’t the snow that Ellie feared: it was soft snow that spilled on your cheeks in powderish delight. “ _Charlie hollered: ‘Come on boys, get out of here, I've just seen an awful sight!’ Put out the fire, and call in the dogs, The huntin's over for tonight…”_ The music was in a very jaunty tone and Ellie could hear the crackle of the microphone if she listened hard.   
A big smile spread on her face and she looked up to Joel with a giant smile. “Hey, Joel… dance.” She laughed, putting her hands on her hips and tilting her head when he shook his head. “Hey, hey, it’s my birthday. My birthday, my rules-” 

“Uh, uh, dancin’ ain’t my thing, Ellie.” He chuckled, messing her hair and walking through the shop with the music still pouring through the speakers in a loud volume. “Here, try this one.” He slipped the disk from the player and replaced it with a newer one, a shinier one. It had the stencil of a bus drawn on the inner circle of the vinyl, with a man escaping the vehicle.  _ Asleep at the Wheel.  _ It read and she squinted her eyes, letting her small hands take it from him and drop the needle onto the vinyl. 

_ “Can't go home if you're goin' by the mill… cause the bridge's washed out at the bottom of the hill. Big Creek's up Little Creek's level, plow my corn with a double shovel. Stay all night stay a little longer, dance all night, dance a little longer.”  _ There was a country jangle to the music and Ellie saw why Joel loved it so much, it was similar to the music he played for her. 

Joel loved when she played for him with an ocean of prideful love. He thought she was so talented, which she  _ was.  _ Ellie caught onto guitar so quickly and soon, he was sure she’d best him in his own game. “Alright, here… c’mere.” Joel beckoned her over to a guitar case and she widened her eyes, quickly trotting over to him. He spoke above the music, making his voice louder than it should’ve been logically. “So I know the keys on your guitar chipped off… was thinkin’ you could use a replacement.” 

_ No fucking way.  _ Ellie thought and she slowly pressed her fingers against the locks of the case, splitting them open. When she pulled it open, she took in the familiar scent of fresh wood. In the years they lived in Jackson, Joel heavily employed the room besides Ellie’s to carve. Guitars, figures: he’d make a figurine of Sarah… Ellie helped him paint it. Joel loved her so much, but he didn’t know which ‘her’ he was talking about. “Joel…” She whispered, and it could barely be heard above the aberrantly loud music. “Fuck, think this is your best yet.” 

A beautifully carved and painted guitar laid in the case and she brushed the wood of it. It was glossed an amber color, the same shade of Joel’s eyes. “Dina helped me paint it, think she picked that up from you.” When she heard of Dina and Joel getting along, Ellie’s smile grew. Marlene didn’t exactly accept Ellie’s sexuality, or more so, her want to care for people. Marlene never spoke to her if Ellie brought up her affection for Riley, not for a few days after, at least. But, Joel… he just… accepted her… with no question. It was strange to Ellie, but a good strange.

Joel slowly reversed the neglect that Ellie was tortured with in her early life. “Dina helped you with this?” Ellie smirked, gently picking the guitar up and holding it on her thigh. Ellie sat in a dusty, dirtied chair behind the case and properly displayed the guitar in her arms. She held it like she would a baby, and a warm feeling curled in her toes. It smelled like Joel’s forestry, coffee smell. 

“Yeah, she wanted to help me surprise you.” Joel’s skin wrinkled in a smile when he saw how happy she was at the thought of him and her girlfriend getting alone. She was so scared that he’d reject her for who she was but he tried to make sure she wouldn’t even need to conjure that thought up in her head. 

“Do you like her?” Ellie asked, looking into his eyes and hoping he would nod his head. She remembered when he’d asked her the exact same question, Ellie just prayed Dina wasn’t like Faye.  _ Jesus, that’s offensive to Dina. Don’t even say that, Ellie.  _ She reprimanded herself, shaking her head and looking down at the guitar. The music continued and it blasted through the restaurant, almost bouncing on the table with its volume, but Ellie and Joel were still able to hear each other. 

“Yeah… long as you’re happy, I’m happy, kiddo.” He brushed her cheek affectionately and she curled into his grip, smiling. Her eyelashes batted down as she looked down to the guitar and he smirked, watching her carefully. “So, you like it? Still gotta get some strings on it, and I kinda rushed-” 

“Joel, shut up, this is amazing, all of this is amazing. Thank you.” Ellie smiled, scooting beside him and keeping the guitar rested in its somewhat clean case. He wrapped his arm around her and let her yawn in his arms… how long had they been out and she was already tired? Joel was confused and worried about how her immunity had begun to affect her so much so quickly: the doctor said she had until adulthood… he tried not to think about the world where that wasn’t the case. _We’re gon’ be fine, Joel, stop worrying._  
She gently strung the strings of the guitar, being returned with a metallic sound due to the rusted string. “Ouch, needs some tuning, though.” She winced, taking her pick from her jeans and strumming the strings again. They let out a terrible melody and Ellie smiled. “There’s that string place by the motel… could go there tomorrow.” 

Joel met her eyes and gave her a small frown. “After the checkup…?” He asked and she let out a small sigh, moving her sight down to her boots. It felt like something was wrong with her, like she was an abnormality: a glitch in the system that was yet to be perfected, but it would be, and she’d be gone. “Hey, look at me…” He murmured, placing his hand on her cheek and directing her eyes into his. They widened before shutting and she turned away from him, disgraced at herself. “Hey: look at me.” He said a little more seriously and he noticed a tear shimmering in her eye… it was the first time he’d seen her cry in a few weeks. Part of him was grateful for that: she really  _ had  _ healed after Winter, and he was so proud of her for that. She was so perfect… he wouldn’t change a single thing about her. “You are perfect, you are the reason I get up each day… I love you so much… and don’t you dare think anything else… okay, baby?” 

Ellie’s chest raised and lowered slowly and she opened her eyes again, meeting his amber irises with a need for help. She needed help: she couldn’t fix what was wrong and she didn’t know what to do after that. “Yeah… okay… love you, too.” She softly responded, smiling when she heard another song play through the record. She slowly got up and moved towards the record, stopping the machine and taking the vinyl from the player. “I’m gonna have a badass collection of these.” 

Joel chuckled, nodding his head and slipping one final record into the player… he recognized it as Sarah’s favorite. When the familiar music started pouring through he had a bittersweet smile on his face and swallowed. “Y’know… not bad taste.” Ellie commented, recognizing the language riddled in Joel’s body, and the name on his mind. “Not good, but… not terrible.” 

“I know when you’re lying.” He smiled softly, messing her hair playfully and clearing his throat after his hoarse sentence. “She listened to the worst music… loved all the bad movies, but… she liked it.” He shrugged, pulling the corners of his mouth into a painful smile and pulling her close to him. He rested his head on hers and she quickly hugged him back, seeing his pain. 

“Yeah, well, it’s like you said… they’re watching now and I bet she’s pulling the best fucking dance moves in heaven.” He let out a genuine laugh and smiled, wiping a single tear from his cheek and stopping the crying. Ellie looked up, priding herself on the fact that she paused his pain and actually complimenting herself for that fact. 

_ ‘When Heaven seems so far away, and dreams are just a memory… without the dark, the light won't show: remember that you're not alone _ .’ The song echoed in the music shop, maybe a little too loudly. Ellie slipped the previous vinyl into her messenger bag and pastened the pocker. “How the hell are we gonna get this thing outta here?” She laughed, trying to lift the machine after disconnecting herself from Joel. When she tried to lift it, Ellie nearly fell back but Joel caught her. “Well… wanna give it a shot, macho man?” 

He barked a fake laugh, moving towards the machine and placing his hands on either side. Slowly, he lifted it up, but it was still pretty heavy, even for him, a grown man. “Yeah, reckon Shimmer can handle this… here, scooch.” Ellie moved away from the chair she’d been seated on and let Joel placed down the machine. It still played songs, but now, something was… off about it. It wasn’t the only sound. Ellie moved towards a hallway to the right, tracing down it and looking up at the framed instruments on the wall. 

“What, were these things famous or somethin’?” She asked, mocking his accent and bending over her hips. “Not right to cage an instrument.” She murmured, sliding the glass frame off of a pair of drumsticks and gently taking them down, placing them in her bag. “Guess these went for a decent price, huh?” 

“Yeah, some’d go for millions.” He answered, letting the machine loose on the chair and trotting towards Ellie. The hallway was much too silent and Ellie swallowed, looking around a doorway but finding nothing on the other side. The floorboards creaked underneath Joel’s weight and he realized the decrepit state of the music shop. Part of him returned to that restaurant patrol, and how the building had collapsed on Ellie and him.  _ Should count our minutes in here.  _ He mentally noted, watching Ellie spurt with conversation as they walked through the hallway. 

Ellie pulled her joke book from her bag and smiled up at Joel. In the darkness, she squinted at the slightly illegible pages and somehow made out the small font of letters. “Some guy just threatened to attack me with a neck of a guitar.” She chuckled after reading the book and looked through the gaps in the ceiling, realizing almost an hour or two had gone by. Her stomach constricted and she felt a feeling of tiredness slowly come over her.  _ We need to get back soon… I need some sleep.  _ “Here we go, um… I knew a guy who named his guitar Provolone. When he played, he shredded cheese… I don’t get it.” Ellie murmured, looking up at Joel and slipping the book back into her back. 

“Provolone’s a kind of cheese.” 

“Hold on, hold on, hold on… there are different kinds of cheese? What’s the difference?” She croaked, shaking her head and shrugging. “God, you people were so weird.” Ellie gestured, smiling at all of the odd traditions Joel had told her of. 

_ ‘Wait, wait… the fuck is that thing?’ Ellie asked, gesturing towards a large machine before them. There were brass coins in it and a large lever that could be twisted on the face of the mechanism. ‘Is it, like… garbage?’ ‘No, look… alright, c’mere, kiddo.’ Joel beckoned her over towards the machine, taking something from his bag, a small coin. ‘Ya put this in… choose one of these.’ He ordered, gesturing towards the worn stickers on the face of the machine. ‘Um… that one.’ Ellie answered, pointing towards the silhouette of an astronaut and watching Joel nod. He turned the machine until a small clock on the mechanism faced the astronaut and slowly, something was expelled from the machine. ‘There ya go… see, you put the coin in, and it bends a design onto it. People used it for, uh… souvenirs, I guess.’ ‘Weird…’  _ “Well, no natural predators, people enjoyed life… even if it was weird most of the time.” 

“Not most of the time, all of the time.” She corrected him but before their conversation could continue, there was suddenly a large crack and Ellie felt herself sink all at once. There was a cold feeling on her ankle and she gasped, looking down towards her left foot and realizing in fear that her foot had gone completely through the wood, sinking to just below her knee. “Shit!” She cursed but finally, she stopped falling and tripped down onto her right knee, grabbing at her ankle. “Shit, I’m stuck!” Ellie hissed, trying to free her foot but finding it wouldn’t work. 

It felt like liquid was filling her shoe and she cringed, trying to wedge her food out but it only made it go deeper. “Wait, wait, don’t move, you’ll just dig it in.” Joel ordered, caught off guard but he quickly bent down, pulling her pant leg up and switching his light on. Ellie nodded, trying to keep her leg still. She laid down beside the cracked wood and sat on her bottom with her left knee propped up. “God, this building’s falling apart, we should get outta here.” Joel announced to her, gently taking her leg in his grip and looking at the fall. It was only about five or six inches through the floor and he untied her shoes, pulling it down from her foot and making it thinner to get her out. “Alright, raise your knee up.” She obliged, pointing her knee up and slightly wedging it out a little bit. 

“Fuck, I-” Ellie was suddenly cut off by the sound of clicking and she raised her head, inhaling quickly. “Joel…?” Ellie asked quietly, looking up to him with big eyes and taking her pistol from her bag. Joel cursed under his breath ‘ _ The beginning's just another end. It's not too late to start again. When hope is too hard to hold, just take a breath and let it go.’  _ Sarah’s song played from the other room and Ellie’s eyes widened, realizing the player was leading the group of clickers right towards the pair. “Joel, what…” 

Ellie was cut off by something grabbing her and when she looked back, she saw a stalker had flanked the pair from behind and she screamed, quickly attracting the attention of the other Infected. “Shit!” Ellie screamed, feeling the wood jab into her leg when she was pointed in an uncomfortable angle. The grip of the Infected quickly stalled and she heard a gunshot -Joel’s revolver- run through the air. “Fuck, Joel-” 

Her words were cut off by more shots and suddenly, with Ellie in peril, Joel took out the Infected and the bodies fell to the floor before Ellie could even speak. “C’mon, we need to get outta here before more come. Try and move your leg back.” He ordered gently and she nodded, pushing her body back and hissing when the old wood dragged across her skin. 

“Gentle.” She requested when he tried breaking the wood around her leg and he nodded, apologizing. “Fuck, wait, let me try and slip my sock off, it’s stuck on the wood.” She pushed Joel off gently and moved towards her food, sticking her hand down her leg and trying to push the cloth from her toes. “Wait…” She whispered, sticking her tongue out but the sock made an effort against her. Before she could speak, rancid, thumbling footsteps emerged from the end of the hall and Joel looked back, seeing a tall shadow emerge from the doorframe. “Shit,  _ shit. _ ” Ellie cursed, seeing the silhouette of a bloater come from the end of the hall. “Fuck, Joel-” 

“Get your foot out, c’mon, baby.” He ordered, taking her leg and gently trying to pry it out but it didn’t give. Her breathing slowly grew more panicked with each step of the bloater and she tugged against the wood, feeling a jagged shard of metal in the floor strip an inch of her skin. Ellie cursed under her breath, standing with her singular leg and leaning on Joel for balance. “C’mon-” 

“I know, I’m trying.” She whimpered, pulling her leg roughly and feeling the metal still jag into her leg. “Fuck!” She hissed, seeing that the bloater was growing closer and closer. As she moved her leg out, the metal cut into her leg at a shallow angle, but it was slowly escaping the pit. “Shit, shit-” Ellie was cut off and suddenly, the bloater smacked Joel aside, sending him to the ground. “Joel!” Ellie shrieked, looking up to the bloater and swallowing, dragging her foot out desperately and effectively continuing to drag the metal piece in her leg. 

The bloater began to raise his hands, preparing to strike Ellie and take her out in nothing but one hit due to her size. “ _ Ellie _ !” Joel roared, raising his hand up and begging for the bloater to have mercy. But, just as it was about to attack, the metal shard buried an inch in her leg broke off from the foundation of the building. It hurt like  _ hell,  _ but it allowed her to escape. “Ellie!” He screamed again, scrambling up with his shotgun and firing into the bloater’s head, but the skull was protected by the fungal armor. 

Ellie rolled to the side, letting the bloater’s fists run into the wooden floor beside her, almost completely smacking the wood into pieces. Another burst of Joel’s shotgun fired and she winced, expecting it to ricochet off onto her but no such nightmare came. Ellie pushed herself back with her arms, staying off of her bad leg and limping away from the beast. Her pistol was taken out of her pocket and she aimed, firing as many shots as she could into the bloaters head. “Over here, motherfucker!” Joel called, diverting the bloater’s attention from Ellie and shifting it towards the old man. He fired multiple rounds into its chest and slowly, the flesh began to melt into pools of blood.  _ That’s right, come to me, asshole.  _

“Joel, watch out!” Ellie warned, seeing Joel dodged a strike from the Infected and Ellie looked down, seeing the floor beneath them was on its last legs. “Come here, we can lock the door!” Ellie yelled, continuing to pull the trigger and fire hot lead into the bloater’s body. It let out a rancid growl and tore one of the cysts from its body, tossing it to Ellie and letting it explode on her. 

It felt like her skin was on fire and she could hear the acid striking her body for a second. Ellie coughed violently, limping back and rendering herself temporarily blind and unable to shoot the beast. “Ellie, stay back!” Joel ordered but he was quickly losing the fight against the bloater. Ellie shook her head, pushing through the cloudy, acidic air and seeing the bloater drag Joel towards it by his ankle. “Stay back!” He repeated, reaching towards his shotgun but his arm was _just_ too short and he couldn’t reach it. The monster bared its teeth as Joel’s ankle came closer and closer and before Ellie could think, she jumped onto the bloater’s back, tearing her knife in and out of the monster’s flesh.   
Her hand was sprayed with blood and it sprinkled onto her cheeks. “Fuck… off!” She roared, stabbing it over and over and over until finally, the body went limp and collapsed to the floor. She fell with it, landing beside the body and slowly becoming unmoving. Ellie breathed in a breath of relief and shut her eyes for a second, feeling the blood on her leg slowly trail down her bare foot. It was quiet for a moment and eventually, Joel made his way to her, checking for anything: a bite, the dark pigment of her veins, any impossible signs of Infection… “Jesus fucking christ…” She exhaled, taking his hand and letting him pull her back towards him. “You clean?” 

“Yeah… thank you.” She nodded but suddenly, before they could rejoice any more, the weak flooring underneath the bloater’s body collapsed and with it, Ellie’s bottom half was slowly falling with the slant of the wooden floor. 

The wooden planks were at a slant and they led into a dark, deep abyss where the bottom wasn’t even visible. “Fuck!” She screamed, grabbing his hand just before she fell into the darkness. Joel scrambled towards her, taking both of her hands and keeping her from falling through. “P-pull me up!” She cried, looking down at the shadows of the hell she was seconds from falling into and before she even asked, Joel was yanking her up, rendering her body exhausted. 

She fell onto him and they both fell onto stable, carpeted ground. Ellie was quiet for a second and both of them had huffed breathing. “If… there is a God… seriously, fuck him.” She growled, shutting her eyes and shaking her head. Ellie laid beside Joel and looked up at the fungal ceiling. 

“Are you alright?” He asked, sitting up and eyeing her leg. He pulled his bag beside him, taking a roll of bandages from it and positioning his hands by the small shard of metal above her ankle. 

“Shit, do you have to-” 

“Pull it out, yeah… stay still, baby girl.” He whispered, wrapping his fingers around the metal and looking into Ellie’s eyes. “Hey, Ellie…” He whispered, his hoarse voice meeting her ears. The muffled music of Sarah’s song could still be heard for a second -with attempt- from the main lobby. It was so sudden, the attack of the Infected, but Ellie suddenly realized how  _ fucking stupid  _ it was to turn on that sterio.  _ I didn’t learn a fucking thing… Joel could have been bitten, just like fucking Riley. Jesus Christ, you fucking idiot, Ellie.  _ She swore at herself, swallowing and looking down to the shard in her ankle. Joel gently pushed her jaw away, making her look into his eyes. “Look at me, okay? Tell me a joke.” 

She squinted her eyes in confusion but breathed heavily, thinking of one. “Uh… what… What do you call a detective crocodile? An invest-” Joel suddenly pulled out the shard and she hissed in pain, clenching her hands into fists and crying out, screwing her eyes shut. “Fuck!” 

“Alright, all over now.” He promised, giving her a weak smile and wrapping the bandages around her ankle. It felt a little better and she nodded, watching him slowly raise. The fresh sunlight streamed through the gaps in the roof and walls, illuminating Ellie’s hair. His flannel shone under the star’s light and he reached down his hand. She took it and he lifted her up easily, placing her arm around his shoulder and gently helping her walk. “Alright, keep your arm on me, let’s get back to the horse.” 

“So, you… you think we can still take that player home?” She smiled weakly and he looked towards her with a small smirk. Ellie laughed shyly at his gaze and looked down to her bare, bloody foot. They hobbled together out of the dreaded hallway, returning to the main room.  _ Seems quiet now… no more Infected.  _ The tape had ended and the vinyl laid in the player, still. “C’mon, it’s… a lucky find.” She spoke quietly, speaking above the subtle pain in her leg. 

He laid her down in the seat and took the guitar case and player, holding it in his arms. “Luckily, you’re light as a stick, so reckon we can fit all this on the horse.”   
She scoffed, looking up to him with a small smile. “She has a name.” Ellie crossed her arms, faking anger and looking up at Joel. He chuckled, simply turning around and keeping himself in sight as he went towards the horse that was just outside the store. Joel quickly stocked Shimmer’s bags with the player and the absolutely humongous collection of tapes and vinyl Ellie had collected and then, of course, strapped her guitar just above Shimmer’s tail. “Alright, think I could use some good, old sleep… y’know, since someone decided to wake me up at six in the fucking morning.” 

“Yeah, but you liked my surprise.” He shrugged, taking her arm again and helping her limp out of the store. 

“You mean besides the Infected…? Yes, you can count this in the win column, old man.” Ellie teased, letting Joel hold the door open for her and slowly, she hobbled towards Shimmer. With Joel’s help, Ellie slowly mounted the horse and ran her fingers through Shimmer’s mane. “When we get back, I think some… hot chocolate and a movie sounds just  _ great. _ ” Joel let out an airy chuckle and wrapped his hands around Shimmer’s reins, slowly leading the horse and his daughter away from the music shop. 

He was just grateful neither of them were Infected and they were both alive. That was enough for him, that was all he needed. “Yeah, reckon that sounds pretty good right about now?” Ellie’s stomach rumbling interrupted his sentence and she frowned, holding her hand to her gut in pain. If she didn’t eat for maybe three or four hours, it felt like her stomach was being burst with ice cold water and it was like whatever lunch she had was coming back up and quickly. “Alright… we got some food at home, kiddo. Take a little nap, alright?” He asked, brushing her messy hair behind her ear and she smiled, nodding. 

“Y’know, I’m a grown-up now, I’ve outgrown ‘kiddo.’” 

“Okay, kiddo.” He whispered and she smiled, leaning against Shinner and slowly submitting herself to sleep. “I love you.” He whispered and even in her sleep, her smile grew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! thanks so much for reading! i was a bit tired so i'm sorry if this came out a little rushed, i really try to get chapters out as quick as possible, i love this series so much and i always love hearing what you guys think! I have a specific chapter right now so if you request anything, i'll do it next next chapter! Okay! kudos and comments appreciated as always and i'm super duper, super tired so i'm gonna head out now! love you guys, have an amazing night! <3


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie couldn't avoid it forever... could she?

“Do we have to go…?” Ellie asked, frowning up at Joel and then looking down at the cereal in her plate. She let drops of milk dance from the spoon as she raised it and slipped the spoon into her mouth, taking another bite. “It’s probably nothing…” She murmured, shaking her head and looking back down into her bowl. 

Joel sighed, giving her a sad look and sitting beside her by the island of the kitchen. It was later: somehow he allowed her to sleep in and she teased him because of it. They had actually been… happy the past few years. That sunny day where they could just be father and daughter had arrived, but now the clouds were shielding the light. “Yeah, kiddo…” He murmured, wishing he had anything else to say, but he didn’t. “Just to make sure everythin’s, okay… okay?” He asked softly, giving her a weak smile and she met his eyes for a second, heaving a deep sigh. 

“Yeah, okay, whatever.” She mumbled, finishing the bowl of food and moving towards the sink, hiding the leftovers away in warm water, soaking the bowl. “Can we just get this over with?” Ellie asked, placing her hands on her hips and slipping one of Joel’s flannels on. That was how he knew she was upset: whenever she was scared, she wore one of his flannels. 

It always comforted her and he was glad she was able to take solace in that if he wasn’t there, but the sight made his features tighten. “Hey… when we get back? Hot chocolate on me?” He asked, giving her a pained smile and she met his eyes.   
A small curl of her lips twitched and she nodded, twisting herself into his arms and heaving a deep sigh. “Yeah, okay…” Ellie muttered, slipping out of Joels’ grip and slowly retreating towards her shoes. With a deep sigh she pulled them on. Her leg had healed overnight, since it hadn’t been that bad in the first place, just a little pain. Ellie knew what that felt like. _What are they gonna say?_ Ellie thought, remembering the first visit -the line of visits- she’d had to endure for the past few years. 

Dina made her feel better about it… Dina and Jesse were so  _ terrified  _ when Ellie first told them. The horror on their face was apparent. It was before Dina and Ellie got together, that was only a few months ago… Ellie loved Dina so much. She was so perfect,  _ so perfect,  _ and Ellie felt so much warmth thinking of Dina that it almost hurt. 

_ “I need to tell you guys something…” Ellie whispered, picking her head up from Shimmer’s dark eyes and keeping her hands meddled in the fur. Jesse and Dina looked up at Ellie’s anxious voice and they both met each other’s eyes for a second. It was a ‘ _ what’s wrong?’  _ After almost two years spending every, single day together, they were all masters with each other’s body language and right now, Ellie was tense. Her spine was standing up straight as she brushed through Shimmer’s fur, boring her eyes into Shimmer’s fuzzy body.  _

_ Dina had told Jesse;  _ I mean… how could she not?  _ Ellie thought, tightening her grip around the hair-brush and gently soothing Shimmer’s back with it. Ellie didn’t allow Shimmer to be branded with the Jackson symbol. She’d nearly adopted the horse as her own and when she thought of the branding symbol, all she could think of was the burnt symbol of the fireflies on her wrist, the one that Faye had put there… Ellie put flowers on Faye’s grave the other day. Joel didn’t understand it. Faye almost killed her, and still, each year, Ellie would put flowers on her grave. Maybe it was because she saw herself in Faye, and she knew if something were to happen to Joel, one day she wouldn’t be able to distinguish herself from Faye. “What’s up?” Jesse asked, walking towards Ellie and brushing Shimmer beside her. “Hey.” He nudged her with a small smile, brushing her shoulder and looking into her eyes.  _

_ “I… God.” She sighed, shutting her eyes and taking a deep breath. “I passed out the other day… on patrol with Joel.” Ellie recalled how loud her stomach had been roaring that day, but she ignored it. Ellie didn’t want Joel to worry, and she didn’t eat. Because of that, she passed out…  _

_ ‘ _ Alright, if I watch this movie of yours, we need to watch that vampire one Sarah loved.’ ‘It was werewolves… not vampires.’  _ Joel thought fondly, looking down to her and smiling at her face. Part of her expression was drained and her skin was a little pale. His eyebrows furrowed up and he wiped beads of cold sweat from her forehead with his sleeve. ‘ _ Hey… you feelin’ alright?’  _ He asked her, bending down to level his head with hers and looking into her eyes. ‘ _ Y-yeah, I feel fine…’  _ She lied, scrunching her eyebrows down and before she could even say anything more, a subtle growl of her stomach sounded through the air.  _ ‘Ellie… why didn’t you tell me you were hungry?’  _ He sighed, moving back towards Shimmer behind them and searching in the horse’s bags for food. ‘ _ Listen to me, we do all of this together alright? Talk to me. You can talk to me. I… I know I’m not the best role model for that, but I need you to know that I’m always gon’ be right here to talk… it doesn’t have to be me, it can be Dina, or Jesse, Tommy, Maria, anyone… but talkin’ helps, baby.’  _ He spoke, his back turned to Ellie as he dug through the bag. Ellie took a long breath and looked down to her hands, seeing they were shaking slightly.  _

_ The gratitude that ran Ellie when she heard that was overbearing and she felt a tear roll down her cheek. But suddenly, her stomach felt like it was devolving into a pit and she swallowed hard.  _ Shit, Joel, I… I need to eat.  _ ‘Joel, I need… I need to…’ Her voice fell from a whisper to nonexistent as her body slumped over and she fell against the ground, starved. ‘Yeah, kiddo?’ He asked, turning around and seeing her shut eyes on the forest’s floor. ‘Ellie?’ He whispered, waiting for her chest to rise and for her eyes to open, but they didn’t.  _

_ Joel rushed to her, pushing his feet forward and he dropped the bag from his hands. His hands scooped her into his grip and he felt terror running in his veins, stopping his blood. ‘Ellie.’ He repeated, his voice in a haled whisper. ‘Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.’ He hissed, shaking her slightly but her head was still limp.  _

_ Ellie’s head fell from his arms unconscious and he let out a shaky exhale. ‘Ellie,  _ get the hell up right now. _ ’ He pleaded, placing her flat on the ground and moving back to his bag, ripping out the food and sprinting back to Ellie. He pulled her limp body onto his lap with her legs spread out on his and her head relying on his shoulders. ‘ _ Hey, hey, c’mon. Ellie, you’re scaring me here.’  _ He croaked, holding her jaw and shaking her head slightly, trying to wake her. He shook her and slowly, her breath evened out and she scrunched her nose, sniffing. ‘Ellie. Hey, hey…’ He whispered, slapping her cheek but it couldn’t even make a sound it was so light. He did it more to just draw her to consciousness with his touch. ‘Baby girl…’ He whispered, and at that name, her eyes opened. ‘ _ What… what happened…? _ ’ She stuttered, raising her head and looking around them.  _

_‘_ You passed out _.’ He whispered, meeting her eyes and taking the food, unwrapping it. ‘H_ ere, eat _…’ He croaked and her small hands took the sandwich and she quickly devoured it like she hadn’t eaten in months. ‘_ You need to tell me when you’re hungry, alright…? We’re gon’ do this together.’ _She shut her eyes for a second, exhausted, but eventually, she nodded. Her voice let out a haled ‘yes,’ and she hid back in his arms._

“ _ What?” Dina asked, moving beside Ellie and looking into her emerald eyes. Ellie broke the gaze and once again, she took a deep sigh.  _ I need to tell them, in case I bite it tomorrow.  _ After that day, Joel made sure she had food on her at all times, and the medicine the doctors had prescribed her both in the house and in both of their bags. He traded to get more to make sure she always had the medicine in her reach, and made food each morning so she would have a hot meal to wake up to… always accompanied with hot cocoa.  _

_ “Those doctors, at the hospital, um… they said my immunity is… um, killing me.” Ellie laughed sadly, but it was barely audible. When she didn’t hear any breaths emerging from Jesse or Dina, the weak smile disappeared. “It’s too hard on my immune system, some shit like that. It’s, like, sucking all my energy out, I guess. That’s why I always carry so much food around, some metabolism shit or something.” Ellie shrugged, brushing Shimmer with a rough grip and feeling her throat push the oxygen from her body.  _

_ A tear shined in Ellie’s eyes but she brushed it away. “I’m sorry.”  _ I’m sorry for making you care about me.  _ She thought, looking back down towards Shimmer’s hair and picking a brush of dirt from the copper shades of fur. “They said, um… I’ll probably be gone by, like… late-thirties or something.” She whispered, ending the sentence in a tragic, depressed smile. _

_ Dina’s chest stopped moving and a tear rolled down her freckled cheeks. It was like her chest couldn’t move up and down anymore and Dina felt like she was choking. Before she could do anything else, Ellie just kept brushing, trying to distract herself with the task and it grew harder and harder until Dina took her hand, turning it away from Shimmer’s diaphragm. “Ellie, Ellie, stop.” Dina whispered and finally, she pulled Ellie into her arms and held her hand to Ellie’s hair and back. “It’s gonna be okay.” She murmured in Ellie’s ear and she felt one of Ellie’s tears dripping onto her t-shirt. Dina looked at Jesse, sending him a look and soon enough, the boy joined their hug and wrapped his hands around both of the girls, holding them in his grip. Ellie gently weeped but it was drowned out by their hug, and she stopped crying.  _ I don’t need ‘till thirty… I just need tonight with you.  _ Ellie thought, looking up to both of her friends, holding her, and she felt like things were going to be okay again. _

She was scared… now she knew what Joel felt in Salt Lake: if anything happened to Dina, Ellie would be broken… she tried not to think of Joel having to go through that. “Alright… let’s go then.” Joel nodded, brushing her hand and closing his fingers around it. He felt her squeeze back and Ellie nodded, letting Joel slowly take her out of the house and leading her towards the hospital.  _ Dr. Wallace.  _ Ellie had checkups almost every month and she now knew the lady personally. 

Despite her late teens, the doctor still treated Ellie like that same little fifteen year old who had first visited her almost two and a half years ago. “Whaddya think they’re gonna say…?” Ellie asked, looking up to him. Her leg still acquired a small limp, but it barely hurt anymore. The previous night, for the first time in almost a week, she stayed with Joel again. It was her birthday… and it was also Riley’s anniversary. But, she survived it. She healed, and now it was survivable.   
“It’ll be okay… they’ll probably just give you some more of that medicine and send us on our way… I’m sure it’ll be fine, kiddo. We do it together…” He smirked, brushing her hair out behind her ears and looking down at her, kissing the top of her head. Ellie was still dressed in her pajamas, a large shirt and green, flannel pajama pants. On the pants, there was a symbol of a mountain lion. Joel said he found they were one of Sarah’s pairs of pajamas, and it scared him that twelve-year-old Sarah’s pajamas fit Ellie fine. _‘Yeah, her highschool pj's, I remember these… God, she lived in these. John F. Kennedy Middle School.’ He chuckled, remembering the large building and folding the pajamas carefully, handing them to Ellie. ‘Here… I want you to have these.’_ Ever since he gave them to her, she wore them almost every night. It made her feel safe in her dreams, since they were a gift for Joel. 

Since she didn’t sleep in his bed all of the time, it felt like his presence was still there with her in her nightmares if he wasn’t physically beside her himself. “And… what if it isn’t?” Ellie asked, looking into Joel’s eyes with a terrified face. His breathing stopped and he broke the connection of their eyes, looking down to the ground and curling his hands into fists. It should have been him… he should’ve been the one dealing with this… not her; anyone but her. 

“Then we do that together, too.” He replied, bending down towards her and looking at her eye level. “Hey… I, uh… I know I’m not the best example for this, but you can talk to me. Always.”

“I know, Joel… I love you.” He whispered the same phrase to her and he smiled, kissing the crown of her head again and slowly standing. Their hands connected once again and slowly, they made it to the hospital. Ellie stopped for a second before suddenly pushing through the door, immediately smelling the scent of alcohol and hand sanitizer. Ellie’s doctor was already waiting by one of the patient’s rooms and she waved to Ellie. 

“Want me to come in with you…?” Joel asked, meeting her eyes with a serious tone and she nodded, keeping his hand on hers. “Okay, then.” Joel led her towards the woman and they all filed into the room, having done this exact practice almost dozens of times. “We, uh… just wanted to make sure everythin’ was working okay.” He explained and the doctor nodded, taking a small stethoscope and sitting beside Ellie. Joel sat in a chair besides the examination table and Ellie kept her hand on Joel’s in a deathly grip. He squeezed it back and she breathed for a second. 

“Alright, well, let’s get started then.” She smiled sweetly, but the mood was set. “Breath in for me, sweetie.” The doctor ordered gently and Ellie obliged. When taking her heartbeat, the doctor slipped her hand up Ellie’s shirt so that the heartbeat was more clear and by Ellie’s body language, Joel could see how uncomfortable she was. Ellie’s small breaths were the only sounds and Ellie wasn’t meeting Joel’s eye, feeling like an abnormality. 

She clenched her hands every now and then and slowly, the doctor retreated her stethoscope from under Ellie’s shirt and Ellie’s fists released. She loosened up a little and the doctor nodded, letting out a relieved smile. “Alright, everything seems to be normal cardio-wise… is it okay if I draw some blood? Need to test your white blood cell count, it’s part of-” 

“Sure, I guess.” Ellie shrugged, clearly not in the mood for the sickeningly sweet introductions and smiles that usually occurred during these sort of checkups. Joel squeezed her hand and she broke her gaze away from the doctor, meeting his eyes but then looking away. 

“Okay.” The woman nodded, digging in a desk behind her and emerging with a bandaid, a tiny little tube, a needle, and a container for the blood. “Can you slip your arm out for me?” Ellie nodded, uncomfortably slipping her arm out of her hoodie and exposing her upper arm to the woman. Ellie looked down, still uncomfortable and teeming with a hue of red. “Alright, might pinch a little.”

Ellie hated needles, they made her feel like she was going to puke. So, when she saw the doctor tying a plastic band above her arm, sending blood swelling in her veins, she swallowed hard. “Hey, Ellie, uh… tell me somethin’ about space.” Joel requested, meeting her eyes and wiping away the cold terror in her body. “Can be anything.” Joel shrugged, squeezing her hand gently. _I know what you’re doing._ Ellie thought, stating her own age in subdued pride. _I’m seventeen, I can tell when you’re lying… but, thank you._  
She conjured up a fact in her mind and smiled, remembering when the one she’d chosen was something Riley had told her. “Ummm… if two pieces of the same type of metal touch in space, they will bond and be permanently stuck together.” She whispered and she barely noticed the stinging in her arm, but it faded and all she saw was Joel’s amber eyes in her brain. The needle was already out and a small drop of blood dripped from Ellie’s arm. She wasn’t really allowed to have a fear of blood, any girl wasn’t exactly, but in a world where she had to kill, a fear of blood was almost comical. 

“See, there you go, all done.” Joel smiled sadly and she leaned into his shoulder. The doctor dripped a drop of Ellie’s blood under a microscope and Ellie anxiously, impatiently waited. Joel took her hand again but she used her own to pull her arm back into her sleeve, becoming fully clothed once again. “Hey, when we get back… movie night?” Joel asked, nudging her slightly and she smiled at him weakly. 

“Alright, I’m going to go put this through the lab, I’ll be back in a little bit, sweetie.” ‘Sweetie,’ that was her term for Ellie… it made her feel like a child. The door closed behind her and Ellie breathed, laying her head against the wall of the office and shutting her eyes. 

“I’m getting tired of these dumbass visits.” Ellie groaned, rolling her eyes and moving her head to meet Joel’s eyes. He let out a flicker of a smile and took her hand, sitting beside her on the examination table. His arm wrapped around her shoulder and he held her close. “Her face didn’t look like I was terminally dying.” Ellie joked, but it made Joel feel sick. 

Surely if anything was terribly wrong, her face would’ve said so. But the doctor just seemed… pitiful. “Nah, nothing’s gonna be wrong… gee, you do need a shower, though.” He teased, pretending to wrinkle his nose but his smile grew when she let out a small giggle.   
“Oh, shut up, old man.” She smiled, breathing happily for a second, not knowing what was going to happen. Before Ellie could say anything more, the doctor came back in with her young hair tied up and a notepad in her hands. She had a concerned look on her face and Ellie’s smile dropped. 

The doctor was pretty young, she looked just above twenty-five, maybe in her thirties. She had flowing ginger hair and eyes that matched Ellie’s luminescent green. “Alright, I need to run some more tests, if that’s alright, the machine's a little wonky today.” She apologized and Ellie nodded quietly, taking her head from the crook of Joel’s neck. “Alright, I need you to undress, so is it okay if your dad leaves for a second?” She asked gently, and Ellie swallowed, looking down to the clothes on her body. 

Ellie still had scars from David on her legs, and light scars on her chest that had once been cut or marred skin. Ellie hesitated to take her hoodie off and she felt uncomfortable beyond words. She swallowed and kept her hand on Joel’s, but slowly he got up. “It’s fine, kiddo, it’ll only be a second.” He promised, kissing the top of her head and slowly slinking her out of the room, giving her one last look of apology.  _ Fuck.  _ She thought, taking her hand back from where it had been laying in Joel’s and looking down to her clothed body.  _ Do I have to?  _

She’d never had to do that before, at one of these visits. It was usually just, ‘let me take your temperature,’ ‘let me get your blood pressure,’ ‘blah, blah, blah…’ Ellie never had to show her scars to anyone and she wanted to keep it that way. The only one who’d seen them was Joel, when he was cleaning her up the day after David. Joel remembered how many words she said that day… it was one argument. 

_ ‘I want to go back.’ Ellie announced quietly, her eyes burning into her hands as Joel wrapped his jacket around her, frightened by her pasty, pale skin. ‘I need to do it again… I want to make him pay.” She murmured softly, that childish wonder that was in her voice completely stripped away like it never existed. ‘I need it.’ ‘Ellie…’ He murmured in horror, looking into her eyes but she broke the gaze, looking back down to her own skin and rubbing it with her sleeve, still able to feel David’s touch. ‘Please, I… I need to, please, I need to make him pay, because if that doesn’t work… I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I need to make him pay, because… maybe that’ll make me better… please-’  _

_ ‘Oh, Ellie.’ He whispered, hearing her voice shatter and tears rolled down her cheeks but Ellie stayed silent. ‘No, don’t… don’t touch me.’ She whispered, moving onto the mattress and pulling the blanket over herself, sitting so that she wasn’t facing Joel. Joel swallowed hard and he sat there against the wall like a dumbfounded fool. ‘Ellie-’  _

_ ‘No, I… I don’t want to talk about it. Just… please.’  _ It was quiet after Joel left and Ellie’s arms felt cold, her entire body felt cold. “Alright, sweetie… can you strip down for me, leave your undergarments on… just pull back the curtain when you’re done.” The doctor smiled gently, pulling a paper curtain between them and sealing Ellie behind it. 

Ellie’s eyes bulged out of her head and she looked down to her shirt and pajama pants, trying to clear her throat.  _ Just say it… just say ‘no.’  _ Ellie spoke to herself inside her brain, itching her hands at the hem of her shirt and trying to pull it up. Slowly, the fabric slid over her neck with miniscule friction, brushing the scars on Ellie’s chest and making her cringe.  _ I didn’t sign up for this… this was just supposed to be some dumb fucking checkup.  _ She scowled, trying to flush saliva down her dry throat. 

Finally she moved to her pajama pants and slowly slipped them down her hips, looking away when she saw the scars jetting from her underwear and lower thighs.  _ I can’t do this.  _ She thought to herself but still, her hands continued and finally, her pajama pants and shirt stood beside her. A deep shade of red hung over her skin and Ellie wiped her skin, trying to get the scars to go away in humility. “Um, I… I’m done.” Ellie whispered, unsure if the doctor even heard her. Ellie tried to cover her legs with her loose pants, but finally she set them aside. 

Part of her was glad Joel wasn’t here… she felt so weak, she felt like a victim. Ellie wasn’t a victim, she was a survivor. Ellie looked down at her warm socks as the doctor entered the space and she could already feel the woman’s gaze on her, violating the scars on areas she wasn’t comfortable with thinking of anymore. “Sweetie, where’d you… where’d you get these?” Her voice asked and Ellie didn’t look up, just letting her tears silently roll her from her cheeks. 

“Uh, hunters.” Ellie whispered, not wanting to go into more detail and it was clear. “Sorry, are you going to do… doctor stuff or are we just going to sit here and talk?” Ellie asked, looking up and sniffling. Her hands wiped her tears and it was clear she wanted to put her clothes back on. Her sports bra covered more than usual but she felt violated even by the air around her and her hand was itching like Joel was still holding it. 

“Okay, I… I just need to check your growth… can you stand up here for me?” The voice the doctor used was sweeter, like coffee you had poured too much sugar into. Ellie cringed at her tone and she turned her head away. Slowly, the girl accepted the woman’s request and her feet felt the iron of a scale beneath her. 

It squeaked under her weight and her eyes took in the sight of the doctor’s painted nails fiddling with the sets on the scale before her. The number climbed then dropped: _ninety, ninety-one, ninety-two, ninety three…_ “Is… is anything wrong?” Ellie asked after she sat back down on the table, wanting to put her clothes on but she now was laid on her back on the cold paper of the table and looked up at the shining lights of the room.   
“Well, after we’re done, I’ll get your dad back in here, and I’ll talk to both of you… alright?” She gently asked and Ellie nodded, looking up and shutting her eyes. “Can you breathe in for me?” Ellie obliged and slowly the minutes went by and finally, the doctor said: “Alright, you can redress… I’ll go get your dad, alright?”   
Ellie didn’t even say anything, she just sealed the paper border again and scrambled to get her clothes on, wanting to vomit. Her hoodie climbed back onto her shoulders, shielding her chest and she ripped her pants from the table, throwing them back on and breathing when they were back on… _it’s okay. That’s over now, you survived the worst part… hopefully._ She pulled back the curtain again and finally, the door cracked open and Joel returned, seeing her dead face. “It’s alright.” Joel whispered, sitting beside her on the table now and wrapping his arm around her. “We’re almost done.” 

She nodded, lowering her head and resting it on his shoulder. The doctor slowly joined the room and with it, the smell of alcohol and medicine. It smelled like a fresh wound in the building and Ellie wrinkled her nose. “Alright, um… I’ll just get to it.” She whispered, taking a clipboard from the desk and looking at her notes. “Your white blood cell count is low, but high at the same time. It's crowded around the Infection and nothing else, and… well, since your immunity is taking up so much of your energy, getting a sickness could be… deadly.”   
Ellie already knew she was going to hear that. Dina and her went to the library a few months ago, from Dina’s request. _‘What are we doing here?’ ‘You’re not dying… not on my watch. Ellie Annaliese Williams, welcome to a library. We’re gonna find a cure for you, babe.’_ “What I’m saying is… it’s getting worse with time, so I’m going to prescribe you with some boosters that should clear it up a little. Ellie, you gotta eat at least twice a day, and, of course, no smoking, wash your hands, sleep, you know the rest…” 

Ellie’s head bobbed, she’d heard all of this before, but the woman was holding something: it was clear by the pity on her face. “Lastly, um… your blood pressure’s decreasing with each checkup, so that means you’re prone to fainting, headaches, migraines, mood swings… you can slow this down with putting some more salt in your diet, and I’ll prescribe some more medication for you.”  _ ‘Slow this down.’ Not fix anything… great.  _ “But, uh… as you’re getting older, your heartbeat’s getting a little slower, and you’re eating more.”  _ So it’s getting worse then.  _

Joel shuffled beside her and she felt his hand embracing hers, squeezing it.  _ It’s gon’ be fine.  _ She could hear that sentence in his grip. “Alright, is… is it okay if I talk to your dad for a little… alone?”  _ So, no good news then.  _

_ I’m seventeen… you can say whatever you want to me.  _ Ellie spoke and the doctor looked into her eyes for a second, before looking down at her click-board and taking a deep breath. “Alright, uh… you’re getting worse. Your metabolism is… way too low and it’s going to get harder to do normal things, walking for longer periods of time, running, swimming… things like that. I can prescribe you some things to help out, but you’re going to have to take it easier. No patrols longer than two or three hours, and I wouldn’t recommend going out of town for more than a day.” 

_ The real, class-a baby treatment, huh…? Wish I was just like other girls.  _ “Okay…” Ellie murmured and she looked up to Joel, seeing the fear and tense expression he wore like shackles. When he saw her looking up at him, he hid it, and his normal expression returned. “Well… guess we’re done, then… right?” She smiled sadly, her voice hoarse and she struggled to push back tears. 

“Do you have any questions?” 

“No.” _Nope… I’m dying: it’s pretty cut and dry, lady._ She sat by Joel for a few minutes while he asked her questions but she wasn’t paying attention, she just stayed silent, looking down at the floor and placing the right side of Joel’s jacket away from his arm and around her, hiding in between that and his chest.   
“Alright, let’s get goin’, baby girl.” Joel whispered and when Ellie looked up from her trance, she realized the doctor was gone. _How long have we been sitting here?_ She asked herself, looking up and into his eyes. “Okay?” He asked her and she saw a dry tear on his cheek. 

Any hope that had been in her body diminished when she saw that: if Joel had no hope, then she had nothing. “Am…” Ellie held her sentence captive but both of them knew what they were going to say: ‘ _ Am I going to die?’  _ “Nevermind… I kinda tuned out a while ago.” She admitted, having a weak smile and remembering the woman’s shocked face when she’d first forced Ellie to undress. “That, uh… that movie night is looking pretty good right now.” She sadly smirked and Joel’s eyes glowed when he saw that little curve of her lips. 

“Movie night it is, then.” He whispered, kissing the top of her head and taking her head. She slipped her slippers back on and stood on the cold, slightly old ground of the doctor’s office. Some of the buildings in Jackson had actually been built instead of inhabited, so sometimes it was almost possible to forget the end of the world. 

Joel made little signs for the ranch, as Dina had asked and the trio of friends happily hung them up. Of course, Jesse nearly impaled his finger on a nail, but that was to be expected. “So, am… am I still allowed to go on patrol?” Ellie asked, looking up at him as they approached the ivory-green house they’d made a home. “Or… outside?” She felt like a rat in a cage and, oh, Ellie didn’t like cages, not at all. “And she said I’m-” 

“Ellie. We’re going to be fine. Sure, things’ll be a little harder, but, hey… we don’t do ‘easy,’ do we?” She smiled and Joel squeezed her hand, making her feel warm. 

“Yeah… I guess.” She smiled and let Joel lead her through the doorway of their house. “I’m hungry.” She admitted and Joel felt relieved when he saw she was talking to him… she was telling him things and it felt like they were stronger because of it. “Hey… since it’s been a shit day, can you make pancakessss?” She asked sheepishly, smiling when she recalled the apron she’d forced Joel into. 

Almost immediately, he’d taken it off but it was hilarious to her the few moments he donned the clothing. “Hmmm… I _ guess  _ so.” He groaned, pretending the idea of making his daughter pancakes caused him great pain and she smiled, looking into his amber eyes for a moment before sitting on the couch, leaning into the warm fabric. Summer was officially over and Autumn began its descent, then into Winter. “I know it’s so tiring and painful to make pancakes, you should consider yourself lucky.” 

Ellie laughed, shaking her head and looking back at him. “Oh, yeah, I’m so sorry for slaving you like this.” She snorted, hiding under the blankets of the couch in the chilly air. Her shirts slowly evolved into hoodies, and usually her pajamas. She took a deep sigh and shut her eyes, feeling the tire of the morning dawn on her slightly. It was barely even light out anymore, Ellie didn’t know how long they’d been out, but it must’ve been a while. The light blue hue of the sky was slowly devolving into a misty gray, and the stars began to twinkle through the moist clouds.   
As she grew, she charted the stars on the walls of her room, walls which she’d coated in black-board paint. Usually, maddened sketches of the firefly logo, or Dina and Jesse, sometimes Tommy and Joel filled the walls. On other days, specific charts of the stars and planets decorated her room and Joel always smiled at her young brilliance. “You know, I like Fall… like how it smells.” Ellie whispered, curling into the fetal position and beginning to hear the scent of fresh pancakes. “So, what’d she say? I wasn’t really listening, kinda tuned out after the fresh smell of death.” Ellie tried to joke, but his smile didn’t appear. 

“Nah, nothin’ much. You’ll be fine, kiddo… just gotta try a little harder to keep up. But, I know you’ve never had a problem with that. You’re strong, stronger than me by a longshot.” Joel chuckled the last sentence and she smiled, most of her sadness wafting its way out of the house. “You believe me on that…?” 

“Always, Joel.” She whispered back and he smiled, seeing the rush of relief that had sunk through her limbs.  _ ‘We’ll do it together… okay?’ Okay, Dad.  _ She thought, looking up to the television and pressing her fingers against the large buttons. Ellie had grown an affinity for cartoons: any sort of cartoons. Joel teased her, due to most of them being musicals, but she didn’t mind. 

Princesses singing about boys as witches and hunters tried to behead them, Ellie loved it. A girl with hair the length of the sky finding true love… Joel always remembered watching the same movies over and over again with Sarah, God, she’d scream the songs in the middle of the night and soon enough, the knock of the neighbors would come and Joel would get a good talking to; it just made Sarah scream even louder, and her smile would grow even larger. “Y’know, I don’t know why you hate these so much. Look, she just blew up a fucking mountain, that’s badass.” Ellie smiled, peering her head over the couch and smelling the fresh scent of pancakes. “Good job, Joel, you didn’t set the kitchen on fire.” 

“Excuse me, that was _one_ time, kiddo.”   
“Yeah, I promise I’ll never let you live it down.” Ellie cooed, dipping her finger in the excess batter and licking it from her skin, smiling at the sweet and salty taste. “You see, when you use a pan that has holes in it, it burns-” 

“Oh, shush.” Joel messed her hair and she cackled. Slowly, her quietness grew as the smell of the pancakes increased. Joel took the oven mitt, gently taking out the pancakes and seeing her smile. “Well, _your highness,_ there ya go.” He teased, placing the oven mitts aside and she smiled, gently kissing his cheek.   
Ellie quickly dug in and it was a night of distraction: Joel nor Ellie wanted to think about what her immunity was doing, so they didn’t. Ellie forced him to watch more of her little princess movies, and Joel pretended to hate it, but she saw right through him. He was grateful for nights like these, nights where it was like they weren’t in the end of the world… nights where it felt like he was back in Texas, with Sarah cuddled beside him. “I’m tired…” Ellie whispered, shutting her eyes for a second and tightening herself into his arms, pushing her head beneath his chin. 

“Alright, get some sleep, baby girl… reckon you’ve had a day.” Joel whispered and she nodded, slowly submitting herself to sleep and falling down on the couch. The musical soured behind her and Joel lowered the volume, kissing the top of her hair.  _ I love you, Ellie.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry this took a while, i've been trying to make my chapters longer so they're taking a little longer to write. thanks so much to everyone for reading, it honestly means so much and it's really fun to see all of your feedback and requests, love you guys! requests ARE officially open for this season, so if you want anything for dina and ellie, or tommy and ellie -which i plan on building soon- or joel and ellie or jesse whatever, all that jazz. there will be an update in a few days, but my friends and i are starting a campaign soon so it might be three or four days. love you guys <3


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie and Jesse begin to bond, and Dina's birthday is coming up.

i would just like to say: we've officially reached over seven hundred pages on google docs and this is [proof](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/649073096980168715/799103317200207933/Screenshot_2945.png)

“Alright, alright… look, take it under your arm… keep both eyes open, place the sights in front of your eyes… remember to aim a little bit higher, and then, pull the trigger.” Ellie ordered, watching Jesse take her rifle in his arms and awkwardly hold it. All he’d ever really used was a pistol or a BB gun, never a big gun like this. 

It was heavier than he expected, and weighed down in his slightly muscular arms. It was Fall, October to be exact. Dina’s birthday was approaching, so Jesse and Ellie had gone out on patrol, mostly to look for anything special they might find. Ellie already took a gift from the shop -their shop to be specific, since it was one of her own paintings- but she wanted it to be special, she wanted something extra. “Okay…” He murmured, looking at the straw dummy in front of them and aiming an inch above its head. There was a crude smile drawn in red paint and Jesse sighed, gently scraping his finger against the trigger and hearing a loud  _ crack  _ of the gun. 

“Hey, you got it! Not bad for a rookie!” Ellie smiled, taking the gun from him and pulling the bolt back with ease. She was a near expert with guns, Jesse discovered, and he didn’t know what to think about that fact… it haunted him. He couldn’t remember ever having to harm someone, ever. But, Ellie… she’d had to kill dozens of people and somehow, she was still the same girl Jesse first met almost three years ago. Jesse sometimes wondered how he’d react if he had to kill someone, but then his brain demanded -in a sort of self-defense- for him to stop, so he did. 

Jesse smiled for a second, looking down at his own pistol -one Tommy had given him, after much thought- and then back to the small assortment of guns in Ellie’s bag. “When was the first time you shot a gun?” He asked and Ellie’s smile halted for a second but finally, after a second or two it returned; Jesse just couldn’t tell if it was real or not. 

“Back in Pittsburgh, with Joel. Some hunters were trying to take us out.” She explained, slowly loading another chamber into the rifle and filing it away in her bag. “Here’s the real deal.” Ellie took her quiver and a bow from her pile of things, and returned to Jesse. Her name was inscribed on the smoothed-out wood and she gently handed it to Jesse, hesitating slightly. The bow clearly meant something to her. “This was my mom’s… I like these more, they’re quieter. Less bloody, too.” 

Jesse remembered one time on patrol he’d had to kill someone, but he hesitated, and Ellie almost paid because of his mistake.  _ “Alright, um… let me think.” Jesse looked around at their surroundings, trying to come up with some sort of pun. It was the first time he’d gone on patrol without Tommy, or Joel. Jesse was trying to build a connection -maybe a bond of sorts- with Joel. It clearly meant something to Ellie that her friends like Joel, and vice versa. So, Jesse tried to do exactly that. “Ah, here we go. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.” Jesse joked, pressing against the dusted keys of a keyboard.  _

_ Tommy assigned them to an apartment building again which at first, Joel fought against, remembering the incident with Faye and how it all happened because Ellie patrolled in the same damn building. “Oh, God, that was horrible.” Ellie laughed and suddenly, she smiled and gasped, running towards an assortment of dividers and a board game. “Holy shit, look. Maria told me about this, she said her friend used to play this before everything.” Ellie whispered, sitting in front of a tall divider with dice and small figurines littering a map of a barn. The plastic walls of the barn were built in miniscule fashion, and figures of heroes with falchions and arrows in their sacks. “It’s… fuck, I can’t remember the name but basically, you’d get some of your friends and it’s like a board game, and you fight monsters and shit.”  _

_ “Sounds badass… should we take it back? Maybe we can play it back at the stables.” Jesse shrugged, bending beside Ellie and gently taking each figure, packing it into his backpack. “Looks… not entirely boring.” He joked and Ellie smiled, folding up the different maps and dividers, slipping it into his bag. Jesse never really used his backpack. It mainly held food for Ellie, that of which Joel demanded him to carry if he were to go out on patrols with Ellie, and a few rounds for his pistol. It was mainly things he deemed interesting on his few patrols, but nothing very important.  _

_ “Sure… guess you found your present for Dina.” Ellie smirked, smacking his shoulder playfully and slowly standing up from the game set. Though finally, a wave of nausea hit her and Ellie raised her hand to her forehead, cursing. “Shit…” She whispered, shutting her eyes and pulling her hair behind her ears in tire and nausea. Her stomach growled and quickly, Jesse slung his bag over his shoulders, searching through it.  _

_ “Here, Joel made me carry some stuff.” He handed a chocolate bar to Ellie and she quickly scarfed it down, mumbling a whisper of gratefulness in between chews. “There, is that better?”  _

_ “Yeah… thanks.” Ellie muttered sadly, heaving a deep sigh and looking up at Jesse. “We should probably head back, it’s getting dark…” Ellie murmured and Jesse nodded, following her as she filed out of the tenant’s room, moving towards the large staircase of the apartment building.  _

_ Jesse kept his mask on, and Ellie didn’t. Joel pressured her to, just in case she ran into something or someone but honestly, she just couldn’t care. Part of her  _ wanted  _ people to know she was Immune, Ellie wanted people to know there was hope. Maybe the only people who could make a vaccine were dead, maybe she knew that there was no chance but whatever part of her brain that held that information reduced itself until those thoughts were almost invisible. “Hey, um… Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.”  _

_ Ellie laughed and she looked back at him, cringing and raising her eyebrow. “God, your jokes are almost getting worse than mine, Jesse.” She smiled, shaking her head and looking down to the ground. He kept his pistol in her pocket but Ellie held her rifle in her hands… maybe it was because she was still scared of David. No matter what, Ellie knew that fear wasn’t going to go away, she knew it. Part of her didn’t even try anymore. “What’s the best thing about elevator jokes…? They work on so many levels.”  _

_ Jesse barked a fake laugh but suddenly, their sounds of -almost- childish laughter was cut off by a foriegn footstep a floor beneath them. Both Jesse and Ellie stopped moving and their dialogue silenced faster than one could snap a finger. Ellie held her finger to her lips and she took her rifle, pulling the bolt back and loading a complete shell into the chamber of the fire-arm.  _ Maybe it’s just Joel or Tommy coming to check up on us… but, maybe not.  _ Ellie thought subconsciously, carefully placing each foot before the other and -extremely- quietly treading down the steps.  _

_ Her sneakers barely slapped against the moist, mossy concrete and Jesse subconsciously followed her, trying to stay silent. Spores were decorating the air and through gas-masks, Ellie could hear audible, foriegn breaths from downstairs.  _ It’s not.  _ She decided, keeping her rifle but soon switching it out for a shotgun, one she’d borrowed from Joel. She wore a flannel, one Dina had gotten for her as a present.  _

_ Ellie had a funny feeling: with her sixteenth birthday just passing, the chemistry and hesitation between Dina and Ellie began to mix… she had a funny feeling and she just prayed it was a good one. Ellie didn’t know if she could handle a repeat of her first winter in Jackson, and the cruel words Dina spoke to her. “Shit… we shouldn’t be this close to town, we’ll run into a patrol group.”  _

_ “And then we’ll deal with them, keep a level head, James made it clear. We do this quick and clean, no mess. We don’t need that fire right now.” Another voice whispered back and Ellie’s ears diverted her to their locations. “God, I picked you because you’re usually good with this shit. Don’t let the adrenaline mess with your head.” The male voice snided and Ellie looked back to Jesse, ordering him to ‘stay.’  _

They sound like idiots… should be easy enough.  _ Ellie thought to herself, slowly taking Joel’s revolver -he always let her borrow it during patrols- and, as quietly as she could, pulled back the hamstring of the revolver, loading it. And then, two shots were fired through the air and both of them struck the first man, making him sink to the floor in a bloody mess. But, due to the makeshift silencer on her gun, the other man did nothing but turn an ear. Ellie dashed behind a cabinet, inspecting the splintered wood that fabricated the appliance.  _ Do it nice and quiet, Ellie.  _ She thought to herself, slowly moving forward and bending her head around a corner to look for him, but he seemingly had disappeared. “C’mere, you little bitch!” Ellie felt someone seizing her small waist and she instantly ran away from the prying hands but they dragged her back, hoisting her up. “Stay still, I don’t wan’ hit you!” He hissed, but it was clear from his tone of voice that statement wasn’t true.  _

_ “Get off!” Ellie screeched, pushing against him as he tried to drag her away but she fought against him, trying to get her switch-blade from her hand. Before she could do so, pausing her screams of fury, a gunshot ran through the air and the body collapsed to the floor, landing beside Ellie. She took a deep breath, watching it slump lifelessly and then looking up to see the look of terror on Jesse’s face. His pistol was steaming and he looked down at the body, his eyes boring into the pale corpse. “Jesse…” She whispered, scrambling back towards him and suddenly wrapping her arms around him and slowly, she heard the clatter of his gun and it fell to the floor.  _

_ “I feel sick…” He whispered, sitting down on a pile of wooden planks littering the floor and clasping his hand over his mouth.  _ ‘I feel sick…’ ‘I told you to stay put.’ ‘Well, you’re glad I didn’t, right?’  _ Jesse hid his hands in his dark, lengthy black hair and took a deep, yet panicked breath, and looked up to Ellie. She knew what his eyes were saying, but he had the decency to keep his mouth shut:  _ how have you done that so many times? 

_ It was like pity and abject horror was settling in his skin at the same time when he realized how many times Ellie had to do that, but it didn’t matter: he saved Ellie. That was all that mattered. Ellie took the gun and sat beside Jesse, taking a clip from her back-pack and loading fresh ammo into the killing machine. “Doesn’t… doesn’t it hurt anymore…? When you kill?” He whispered after a moment of silence and she met his eyes with the light of each other’s flashlights illuminating the other’s skin. “I feel dirty.” _

_ “It used to.” Ellie whispered back, reaching into Jesse’s bag and hiding the gun in his sack. A sprinkle of blood was splashed on the metal and Ellie wiped it away with her sleeve. “I guess I’ve just… killed too many people.” Ellie murmured softly, suddenly realizing she couldn’t even remember all of their faces. “Sometimes it does… or, did… but not anymore.”  _

_ A different look suddenly settled on Jesse’s face and he moved closer to her, saddling beside her and making the pain on both of their faces break for a second. “I’m sorry you had to do that… I wish I could’ve been there, to… just, do anything.” Jesse murmured, and before he could finish his sentence, he felt Ellie’s fingers wrap around his own. Their eyes met and he saw the sparkle of her emerald irises reflecting through the light of his torch. _

_ “You have…” She softly spoke, giving him a small smile and nudging his shoulder. “Thanks, by the way.” He ducked his head, nodding and looking to the corpse of the man. He forced himself to look into the cold, dead eyes. Jesse wanted himself to feel bad, he wanted the guilt:  _ he didn’t want to be like Ellie.  _ No matter how guilty he felt for saying that, it was true. A stale killer, someone who had to cause so much pain -in a justified fashion, of course- that she was blind and numb to doing the same thing again. The amount of monstrous acts Ellie had to commit almost broke her…  _ almost.  _ Joel was there, and that made that ‘almost’ apparent.  _

_ “We should probably head back, gotta report this.”  _

_ “Yeah, alright.” Ellie agreed, but her hand stayed in Jesse’s.  _ “You know, not a bad shot, Jesse. Could’ve been a good marksman or something before the world ended.” Ellie smiled softly, prying the arrows from the straw dummy and returning back to Jesse. “Alright, let the expert try for a little bit.” 

She palmed the softwood and took an arrow from her quiver, which rested on her back. Dina helped her sew it together with some spare cloth from their tiny boutique. She stenciled her own decal on the side. “Oh, expert, huh?” Jesse chuckled, his dark hair shaking slightly when he moved his head. Since Ellie had first met him, Jesse definitely grew taller and more muscular as the years went on. His body was more grown and his eyes had aged slightly, with knowledge he would’ve feared years ago. Ellie rested the groove of the arrow in the drawstring and pulled it back, shutting her left eye. Her eyelashes tickled the bottom of her freckled cheek and she smirked for a second. 

With a second of hesitation, Ellie released the string and the arrow spliced the somewhat frosty air of Autumn, directing the arrow directly into the head of the dummy. “Sorry, were you saying something?” Ellie cooed, pushing her head in front of Jesse’s face mockingly, and he rolled his eyes, shaking his head. 

“Nope, no idea what you’re talking about.” Jesse shrugged, moving back towards the tree house and climbing up the rope ladder. It swung slightly as his weight and Ellie smiled, looking up at him. “We should really replace this thing, before one of us breaks our leg.” Jesse called down from the medium-sized house and from the shelter, Jesse tossed down Ellie’s backpack. 

She caught it in the air and pulled it around her shoulders. “Yeah, but it would be funny.” Ellie’s smile grew when he saw his look of pure confusion and she threw her head back in laughter. “Oh, come on, you said you’ve always wanted to be a pilot, why not get a premature flying lesson.” 

“Somehow, I doubt that’d be very rewarding, Ellie.” He snorted, slowly making his way towards the wooden pole Joel built for them. It served as an elevator and a grip on the pole slowly slid down when climbed. Jesse took grip of the handle and slowly descended through the air, hopping onto the ground when close enough. “It’s getting dark, we should get back.” Jesse murmured, leading Ellie back towards the looming figure of Jackson. 

Jackson seemed to be actually growing into a home, not just a place where beds were free and the meals were warm, no matter how consistent they had to be, in Ellie’s case. “Yeah, don’t want Dina to yell again.” Ellie smiled, remembering when Jesse and her had accidentally fallen asleep in the treehouse without warning Dina they’d be out all night. The resulting lecture from Dina was… well, it wasn’t supposed to be entertaining, but it was. 

“Yeah… but I kind of do.” Ellie whispered, giggling at Jesse’s resulting laugh. Slowly, the gates of Jackson greeted them and the guards on the walls of the border greeted them. Jesse, Ellie and Dina -especially Ellie- made somewhat of a reputation. They were really the only younglings who did patrols, and it was honestly surprising that Maria allowed Dina, and Jesse’s parents allowed him. It wasn’t very traditional for such young people to go outside the walls, but Ellie taught Dina and Jesse the trait of… how do you put it? In Ellie’s words: ‘not giving a shit.’ “Hey, meet you in town tonight? Craving some more oven-pizza.” 

He chuckled and nodded, but slowly, both of them went their other directions; Jesse towards the ranch, and Ellie towards her house. She was pushing the limits by being out for as long as she was, the exhaustion in her body told her so.  _ Need something more to eat than a cocoa bar.  _ Ellie thought to herself and she pushed through the door of the house, finding no one else there.  _ Joel must be out with Tommy, then.  _ “Alright… whaddya got for me?” Ellie asked the fridge, prying it open and feeling the cold breath of the machine go into her skin. It was October, Dina’s birthday was the next day. Ellie had something -chaotic, sure, but she put effort in- planned, with Jesse, and Tommy’s, help. 

Or, at first, Ellie thought no one was in the house. Whenever Joel heard the door open, she’d always hear his voice calling her back. Now, when she entered, there was nothing. “Joel?” Ellie called up, pressing her keys down into the empty ashtray in the kitchen and looking up towards the steps. “Anyone there?” She sang and squinted her eyebrows together, making her way up the steps. 

The old wood of the steps creaked underneath her and Ellie felt a small bit of unease running in her spine. Her jacket -or Dina’s, really- was slid off of her arms and Ellie made her way towards her own room. The painted door slid open and she tossed the coat onto the comforter and threw her heavy backpack onto the blankets, not caring of the dirt decorating it slightly. The same went for her shoes and her fingers untangled the laces, freeing her feet. Thick, fur socks were coating them from when Joel and her were first heading out to the fireflies. “”Hello?” Ellie asked, bending her head around Joel’s door and seeing him laying on his bed, asleep. 

Joel’s feet stretched to the end of the comforter and Ellie smiled at his loud snores.  _ Oh my God, you’re amazing, Joel.  _ Ellie giggled, brushing a loose strand of hair that had fallen from her braid behind her ear. She quietly tiptoed to the other side of the bed and climbed onto the bed slowly. It was around six or seven and the light of the sun had already descended beneath the trees. It was dark in the house and Ellie gently sat above the blankets, tying her hands around Joel’s and heaving a deep sigh. The only sounds were his cosmic snores and she once again fought the want to break into laughter at the loud noises. 

When she took his hand, she felt paper in her father’s grip. Ellie squinted her eyes in confusion and took the paper, seeing the slightly bloody photo of Joel and Ellie.  _ God, you looked so… not gray, Joel.  _ She smiled softly and took the photo, gently placing it on the bedside beside them and curling her toes underneath the throw that she laid on Joel and her.  _ Thank you, Sarah.  _ Ellie thought, admiring his first daughter’s beauty and how welcoming she looked: Sarah looked so kind… so perfect. How was Ellie supposed to live up to that? How was Ellie supposed to look stable compared to someone so… perfect? She nestled underneath Joel’s arm and laid his hand on her back, feeling like she was fourteen again.  _ Just for tonight… then back to grown-up land.  _ Ellie told herself but slowly, as she submitted herself to sleep, she could feel Joel being riddled out of his slumber. 

_ Dammit…  _ Joel thought, waking from his nightmare and ducking his head around. He felt a bundle in his arms and looked down, finding Ellie’s sleeping body. Whatever tension that was living in his body found itself diminished and Joel took a deep breath of relief.  _ We’re alright.  _ He told himself, tickling Ellie’s back gently and shutting his eyes. Joel saw Sarah’s photo on the bedside and looked the ghost in the eyes, swallowing hard. 

He looked back down to Ellie and kissed the top of her head, burying his face in her shirley dark-red hair. Her sleep appeared to be peaceful and he thanked whatever higher power watch over them for that.  _ I love you, baby girl.  _ He whispered in her ear and she budged in his arms, wrapping her arms around him sleepily and yawning quietly. He smiled at her cute yawn and took a deep breath, deciding he wouldn’t sleep. Joel just wanted to watch her sleep: it calmed him. It assured him that she was still alive and he praised that fact with all of his being.  _ We’re okay.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for reading! sorry it took a bit for this chapter to come out, i was swamped with schoolwork and artwork this week. won't happen again! requests are currently open, and this season won't be too long, maybe like tenish more chapters, so get em in now <3 as always, kudos/comments are appreciated and there will be an update in a few days! hope everyone had an amazing week so far, see you guys in a few days!


	5. Chapter 5

hey, guys! I might need to take a tiny little break for a few days, nothing too long, just two or three days. I've been super stressed lately and I just need to destress and calm down for a day! Super sorry, but I've already written most of the next chapter, so it probably won't be that long, just needed to clear the air and detox for a sec here.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dina and Ellie celebrate a rite of passage in the old world.

“Where are you taking me?” Ellie laughed softly, looking up at the slightly dark sky. It was evening, and color had begun to paint itself across the ozone. “Dina, I’m getting worried you’re going to murder me.” The branches and twigs cracked underneath their weight and Dina’s slightly cold hand held Ellie’s. 

A small embrace of light came from the end of Dina’s cigarette, and Ellie frowned. She never liked smoking, Dina did it occasionally, and Ellie remembered Riley had the same, unfortunate habit as well. “You’ll see.” She breathed out a small puff of smoke before tossing the cigarette under her boot and grinding it into the soil and dead leaves that came with Autumn. It was now October, and Dina’s birthday had passed around a week ago. “Alright, this way.” 

Slowly, it got darker and they ventured deeper into the forest. As they got further from Jackson, Ellie removed Joel’s revolver -he always let her borrow it on patrols- from her jeans’ pockets and clasped it in her hands. Dina did the same. “Y’know, we’re going to be mauled by a bear.” Ellie grinned, making terrible roars and causing a spurt of laughs to rise from Dina. 

Ellie loved that sound; Dina’s laugh. It sounded smooth, like a record that was shined and polished each day. It made Ellie feel like -almost- everything hadn’t ended… Winter never happened, and Faye never attacked, and everything was just… normal. No Infected, no hunters, just… normal. That was a word that just didn’t fit Ellie’s world. “I hope, maybe it’ll have cute, little cubs.” She cooed and Ellie messed her hair, rolling her eyes and trotting ahead of Dina. “Well, here we go.” 

It was the tree-house, the one Joel helped Ellie and Dina build. He said he used to be a carpenter, that was probably why he was so flawless at wood carving. Joel usually made little gifts for Ellie with his carvings, maybe a wooden dog, or the small head of a giraffe reaching from the uncarved remainder of the wood. “Climb up, go.” Dina prompted her, pushing Ellie up the rope ladder. The ladder shook slightly as Ellie struggled up it, pressing her feet onto the wooden platform that stretched from the medium sized tree house. 

The house was quite large, considering it was built in the wake of the world’s end. It rested on a massive willow tree, and the dreads that hung from the trunks were decorated with blossoms. “What is all of this?” Ellie exhaled softly, looking at fake spider webs drawn across the house’s roof, and stickers on the windows of the house. Joel had Tommy install glass panes in the empty window-sills of the wooden hut, mostly because he didn’t want any stalkers crawling through in the middle of the night. 

A glowing pumpkin was set on the counter with a rotted, wax candle living inside. Ellie laughed, looking back at Dina and seeing her girlfriend had climbed up beside her. “So, I found this magazine, on patrol with Joel. He told me they used to have this thing in October, uh, what was it…? Halloween, that was it. Kids would dress up and you’d make your house look all scary.” Dina explained, showing a magazine filled with costumes of skeletons and zombies.  _ Don’t look that realistic.  _ Ellie smiled when she saw small children dressed up as what she would classify as Infected. 

“Jeez, see why girls liked Halloween so much.” Ellie laughed, turning to a page of a girl in an outfit that was much too exposing for Ellie’s comfort. Dina snorted, shaking her head and drawing the curtains that served as a door for the wooden hut. “What is this?” Ellie laughed, looking at a small heap of intangible… Ellie thought it was cake but she wasn’t sure. 

“Oh, since you blessed me with your cooking for my birthday, thought I’d do the same. Unfortunately, I cannot guarantee that it’s edible.” 

“Oh, gee.” Ellie laughed, dipping her finger into the frosting and licking it. It had  _ way  _ too much salt in it and Ellie coughed, spitting it out into her sleeve and hearing Dina’s laughs. “Jesus Christ, how much salt did you put in that?” Ellie demanded, coughing and shaking her head. She scraped the frosting onto her leggings and shook her head. “That’s going to kill someone, D.” 

Dina smiled, brustling Ellie’s hair playfully and rolling her eyes. She squatted the cake away and placed it onto the desk beside Ellie, Dina and Jesse’s sleeping bags that lived in the tree-hut. “I’ll keep that in mind, then.” Dina smiled and gently, she kissed Ellie, pressing her lips against her girlfriend and feeling Ellie’s embrace as well. 

“Has anyone ever told you you’re a  _ massive  _ sap?” Ellie smiled, pressing her forehead against Dina’s and smiling. Ellie felt…  _ happy.  _ In this tree-house with Dina, both of them curled up on their sleeping bags and holding each other in their arms, she was happy. 

Dina laughed softly, shrugging and looking into Ellie’s emerald eyes. “Yeah, might’ve heard that somewhere.” She whispered happily, kissing Ellie’s cheek and then retreating, sitting with her knees tucked into the center of her legs. “Okay, so… I was thinking, for Halloween, maybe we could dress up tonight.” Ellie laughed, sitting up and looking at the assortment of masquerade masks and silly costumes Dina had compiled during patrols. “Alright, think this one’ll match your eyes.” She smiled and tied a green, sparkling masquerade mask onto Ellie’s face. “Looks great.” 

“Alright, if you’re making me wear this, I get to pick one for you.” Ellie smirked, looking at the mix of masks and taking a blue bunny mask. It cut off at the cheeks and had large teal ears protruding from the head of the mask. “That looks absolutely amazing, Dina.” Ellie snorted, fixing the tilt of the plastic mask and laughing when she looked into Dina’s eyes. 

“Oh, shut up Ellie.” Dina smiled and shook her head, a piece of her hair laying loose from her braid. Ellie tipped it behind her ear and smiled, slowly laying down into her sleeping bag with a small yawn. “Alright, wait, wait, I came up with a good one on patrol yesterday… you’re like my asthma, you take my breath away.” 

Ellie groaned, but her sound of cringe turned into a laugh. Dina set herself in Ellie’s sleeping bag beside her and closed her eyes gently. “I think this was a pretty good Halloween.” Ellie whispered back to Dina and Dina smiled, kissing Ellie’s cheek and wrapping her arms around Ellie, pulling her close. “Thanks.” She murmured happily and Ellie shut her eyes, letting out another weak yawn. 

“Eh, I try.” Dina smiled, but before she even finished her sentence she could hear Ellie’s soft snores, and she beamed happily. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was just a short little chapter of dina/ellie, but i wanted to get something out soon for you guys! requests are open per usual, and i also wanted to just say 'thanks' to everyone for being so understanding about me taking a tiny break, thank you <3 as always, comments/kudos are appreciated and have an awesome day. i'll see you guys in a few days with another chapter. <3


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dina and Ellie stay out; Ellie returns and finds Joel.

“God, I think you gave me a concussion.” Ellie joked, fixing her messied hair and struggling her way out of Dina’s arms. A small laugh emerged from Dina and Ellie heard the patter of rain roping itself against the glass windows of the somewhat refurbished treehouse. “Shit… do we have an umbrella in here?” 

“Nah, I took it back last time.” Dina’s muffled voice emerged from her pillow and Ellie cursed under her breath, hearing a crack of thunder. “Aw… are you scared of storms?” Dina cooed, raising her head and arching her eyebrow. Ellie tilted her head, sticking her tongue out and shaking her small head. “That’s adorable, babe.” 

Dina’s head went back into the pillow and she slowly tried to succumb to sleep again, but then, Ellie tore the blankets off of Dina. “Jesus!” Dina yelped due to the cold temperature and she grabbed the blankets back, but Ellie won: she was awake. Dina growled, tying her hair back into a lazy braid and managing to push her jacket onto her cold shoulders. “That’s evil.” 

“I’m so sorry.” Ellie weeped with a small grin and she brushed a strand of hair falling from Dina’s cheek behind her ear. “Seriously, we should get going, though, rain’ll only get worse. Besides, I thought you loved the rain.” Ellie smiled and Dina looked into Ellie’s amber eyes, heaving a deep sigh. “This is payback for constantly sneaking into my room at two A.M.” 

Dina laughed when she remembered the constant times that she’d climbed through Ellie’s window and nearly given her girlfriend a heart attack in the middle of the night. One time Joel had heard the ruckus and came into the room: Ellie received a small lecture for being up at four A.M. It was sweet how Joel didn’t have to worry about things that were per usual in their world: ‘don’t eat that, it looks poisonous,’ ‘you’ll break your neck, stop climbin’ up on everything…’ Ellie liked when he yelled at her for things that would’ve been normal two decades ago.  _ ‘ _ Can you clean your room, kiddo?’ ‘Your breath stinks, brush those teeth of yours.’ “Yeah, guess we should get going, don’t want Joel losing his shit over you.” 

“Oh, gee, thanks.” Ellie smiled and she shoved her items into her backpack, taking a clip of rifle ammo and sorting into the small pocket of her sack. Suddenly entering their hearing was a series of clicks and Ellie’s head turned up. She stood, throwing her bag over her shoulders and stretching her head out of the curtains of the treehouse. “Shit.” Ellie whispered, but when her eyes looked for the signs of any Infected, she could only hear clicks but no physical bodies. 

“I don’t see any.” Dina murmured, standing right outside the curtain. Misty drizzles implanted into the girls’ heads of hair and Ellie shook off the moisture. “Stalkers, maybe?” 

Ellie shook her head, pulling her hood over her head and tightening her grip against the wooden railing of the treehouse. “Nah, stalkers don’t ‘click.’” Ellie replied quietly and she sighed deeply, looking into Dina’s eyes. “Here, you’ll catch a cold.” Ellie pulled Dina’s hood up and saw the smirk in Dina’s eyes when she pulled away. 

The clicks continued and Ellie grumbled, leaning her head over the railing and trying to see any Infected, but they were nowhere to be found. “Thanks, Mom.” Dina smiled, shaking her head and keeping her hood on. The October morning was chilly and Ellie zipped her hoodie close, but the large size made one end slink off of her shoulder. “Damn it, I can’t see any-”

Dina was cut off as she was climbing down the rope ladder and the fabric ripped, tying around her ankle and making her body hang upside down. “Dina!” Ellie yelped, sliding her body over the railing and reaching down. Dina grunted, trying to reach up to take Ellie’s hand but she didn’t have enough strength to bend up. “Shit, just stay there, let me cut you down.” 

“Yeah, yeah… okay.” Dina whispered, shutting her eyes and breathing quickly, with a small bit of tire running in the ankle that the rope had entangled it. “Shit, Ellie, got some bad news… found the Infected.” Dina muttered, seeing a group of clickers trotting towards the sound, but they hadn’t spotted Dina yet. 

Still, it was only a matter of time before they used their echolocation to see her teenager body. Both of them grew deathly still and Ellie swallowed, pushing her gun in her back pocket and lowering herself on the exterior of the house’s railing.  _ Be quiet.  _ Ellie said through her gaze and Dina nodded, clasping her hand over her lips. Dina’s breathing was muted by her palm. Her raven-black hair was covering her eyes slightly and she blinked, not able to determine the location of the clickers with her braid blocking her eyes. 

Ellie’s grip on the railing slowly decreased as she clambered down the tree. Her legs sailed in the air while her hands kept their grip on the treehouse’s exterior, small deck that held the railing. Joel really wore himself out with this, and Ellie felt another rush of gratitude feed her.  _ Wait, wait, wait, no- _

The wood Ellie’s hands were latched onto snapped under her weight and -loudly- Ellie fell to the ground with the ground of wood landing beside her.  _ Ellie _ ! Dina’s muffled voice called out and she forgot about the hand clasped on her lips. The clickers diverted, one going to Ellie and two treading towards Dina. “Hey, fuckfaces, over here!” Ellie chucked a brick towards one of the clickers steading towards Dina and they both turned to Ellie, chasing after her.  _ Okay, maybe should’ve thought this out.  _ Ellie thought nervously and she cocked her shotgun, gritting her teeth. “Come get it.” She whispered, releasing a shot and sending one of the clickers a few inches back with scarlet liquid drowning it. 

“Oh, shit…” Ellie whispered, seeing two runners pouncing towards her from the woods, drawn by the gunshots. “Stay here!” Ellie ordered, looking back towards Dina and knowing she needed to lead them away from Dina. “I’ll lead them away!” Ellie called, sprinting towards the tree line and hoping there were no more stalkers or Infected hiding in the tree canopies. 

Dina breathed heavily, looking up to her stranded ankle and trying to heave herself up. “C’mon… shit. C’mon, come on, Dina, you got this.” She whispered, placing one hand on the rope and using it to try and prop herself up. Her spine disagreed and she fell back down, swinging and almost sending herself back into the tree. “No, nope… you got this, come on.” Dina growled, hoisting herself up and somehow clasping onto the rope below her ankle, keeping her up. “Yes, yes.” Dina laughed, momentarily taking her knife from her pocket and switching the blade out. “Okay, cut.” She snarled, slicing through the rope and suddenly, she fell to the ground with a  _ thump.  _ “Yes…” 

She didn’t take a second to rest; she launched herself up and took her gun from her pocket, following Ellie’s imprints in the mud. “Babe?!” Dina called through the woods, switching the safety off of her pistol and yelling Ellie’s name. “ _ Ellie _ !” Dina yelled and she heard a gunshot from a few feet away, Ellie’s rifle. When Dina turned around, she saw the dead body of a stalker a few inches from her body, and Ellie’s rifle steaming. “Oh, thank God.” Dina breathed, sighing in relief and placing her hands on her knees. 

“So, I, uh… think we should probably fix that ladder, yeah?” Ellie panted, prompting a tired laugh from Dina. Ellie looked around, hearing the rustling of leaves from the treeline. “Come on, let’s get back before more of these fuckers show their ugly faces.” Ellie ordered, and Dina nodded, taking her hand and following her. 

Slowly, they made it back to Jackson and she greeted the guard that stood on the walls. _Haven’t been back in a day, Joel’s probably wondering where I am._ Ellie thought subconsciously, so she bid her goodbye to dina, giving the girl a small kiss on the cheek and began to walk towards her house. “Joel?” Ellie called through the house after unlocking the door, and she heard nothing but a cough upstairs.   
Ellie frowned and she pried her shoes off, making her way up the stairs. “You okay up there?” Ellie asked louder, and she just heard another cough. She raced up, her eyes wide and her brain coming up with hypotheticals. But, when she turned the corner, she saw Joel in bed, or she thought she had. “Joel? Joel!” He’d fallen beside the bed, and he looked sick as a dog. His skin was pale and doused with cold-sweat, and his eyes were shut. “Hey, hey.” Ellie shook him, breaking his cough and bringing him back to wake. “Joel? You’ve got a fever, c’mere.” 

Joel’s arm was hung over hers and she tried to push him up. “Work with me here, please.” Ellie requested, and he slowly nodded, letting out another cough. Slowly, they hobbled to the bed together and Ellie almost fell as he laid down on the comforter. “Alright…” She went through the mental checklist of things in her mind and scrunched her features together. “Did you eat anything weird? It might just be a cold…” 

“Kiddo, you’ve gotta get away, if you get… sick-” 

“Sh.” She shushed him, pressing her hand against his forehead and feeling a burning fever. “Alright, it’s not too bad. Just a cold.” Ellie breathed, a small smile flowing on her face when she realized it was just the common cold, and nothing too serious. 

Joel’s features scrunched together and he wiped the sweat off of his head. “Yeah, I’m okay, just… get out, kiddo, if you get sick…” He was cut off by a cough and she shook her head, squinting her eyes and leaving to the bathroom for a second. When she returned, she had a cold towel that she doused with water, and pressed it onto Joel’s forehead. “I’m good-” 

“Y’know, you really should be proud that  _ somehow  _ you’re more stubborn than me.” Ellie whispered, pressing the cold rag and rubbing the sweat from his head with it. She stripped him of his jacket, leaving him a clean, navy-blue t-shirt, beside the chilly, Autumn months. “Look, if you stay still for a fucking minute and get your fever down, I’ll consider getting out.” Ellie snarkily spoke after he tried to push her away again. 

For a second, he stopped and finally, he nodded, letting her tend to him. It was strange for her to be taking care of him, she looked like she was only fifteen, despite -as she so frequently flaunted- being seventeen. “Fine.” He agreed and she smiled at his stubborn nature. Cold water rushed down his face and slowly, he felt the blocked feeling in his bones settle away from him. “Alright… now, you go. Don’t want you gettin’ sick.” 

“Joel…” She grumbled but he waved her off and before she could do anything more. “Fine… you-” 

“Ellie…” He murmured and she groaned, slowly retreating after tucking his body into the blankets. “There you go, now… you ate today?” Ellie shook her head and from the stern look on his face she could recognize his next words. “Go on, then, I’ll survive.” He kissed the top of her head lovingly and she placed her hands on her hips. “Go.” 

She pointed the corners of her lips down and stepped off of Joel’s bed, slowly walking out of the door. “Fine… night, Dad.” That word made him smile and he shut his eyes, leaning back against the pillow and letting out a small cough. The door gently closed and he released a breath he’d been holding in while she was in the room. 

“Night, Ellie…” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for reading, guys! kinda a shorter one today as i've just started another project <3 i'm not sure how many chapters of this season i'll be doing, requests are once again open atm, and as always, thank you everyone for reading, have an amazing day!


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Ellie should've just stayed outside.

"Alright, you feeling a little better, old man?" He almost coughed up the cough syrup, ironically and he smiled at her careful eye-sight following him. "Alright..." She pressed her hand against his head and felt -what seemed like- a normal temperature. "Fever's gone." 

He chuckled, gently pressing her hand away with a smile. Then, he heard her small cough into her sleeve as she got up and his vision jerked back towards her, but she just walked it off. "You feelin' okay, kiddo?" He asked, standing on his own two legs and slowly walking down the steps after her. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." She narrowed her eyes, shrugging and looking back at him in suspicion. "We have patrol later, you still up for it, Joel?" She asked him and she turned into the kitchen, digging through the fridge. Part of her felt weird, it was like there was a subtle fire lighting itself under the skin of her forehead and she wiped her sleeve across her skin, clearing the small beads of sweat. Ellie had been sitting by his bedside for two continuous days, keeping her hand in his as he recovered from his sickness in his sleep. "Or are you gonna chicken out?" 

Joel crossed his arms, raising his eyebrow and that answered his question. "Wanna try coffee again, kiddo? Think you'd really like it if you gave it a chance." She squinted her eyes out in disgust and shut her eyes, taking the familiar chocolate powder from the cabinet and fabricating hot-cocoa. It was nearly December, and that same dreaded feeling that had come years ago slowly began to fade. 

Ellie knew she was safe now, she was safe in Jackson. The nightmares returned during the colder months, but Joel was always there. He was always there, whatever she needed, he would be there without a second thought. "Nah, I think I'm good for life." She shook her head, pushing her arm onto the couch and using it to land on the couch's cushions ahead of her. 

"Hey, no sneakers on the couch." Ellie snorted, but soon pried her canvas sneakers off of her small feet. They landed on the floor with a small bang and oddly, the sound of the impact rattled through Ellie's head this time. She closed her eyes and another cough reflected from her lips. She wiped it away with her sleeve but she felt Joel's eyes on her. Instead of responding, she focused on the sudden tire that had grown in her and turned around, coddling her face into a fuzzed pillow. "Hey, hey." He murmured, standing above the couch and looking down at her slightly sweat-glazed body. "C'mere." He murmured and she groaned, her head suddenly ringing. "Ellie."   


"Can I just take a little nap before we go, old man?" She smiled but in her voice, he could hear flehm blocking her throat and the hint of sickness starting to take over. "Really... I'm fine." Ellie whispered in a soft, innocent voice and she took a blanket from underneath her, shrouding herself with it. 

Joel felt a rush of fear run through him and he went to the other side of the couch, bending down in front of her and placing his palm on her forehead. "Baby, no blanket, you've got a fever... shit... I _told you_ to stay away when I was sick." He lectured and she smiled at how protective and stubborn he could be; almost more than her at some times. "How do you feel?" 

"Feel just _amazing,_ Dad." Ellie joked, but she heard no hint of a laugh coming from him. "Really, just... give me that shit the doctor gave us and I'll be... perfect." Ellie breathed, turning her face down in the pillow and coughing into the fabric. 

"Uh huh, stay there." 

"Noted, I'll cancel my 5K marathon." Joel rolled his eyes and rushed to the bottle of pills on the counter and returning to Ellie with a bottle of water. He pressed the tip of plastic to her lips and gently allowed her to tilt her head to drink, and then swallow the anti-biotics. "Goes down smooth." Ellie coughed, trying to relieve the terror on Joel's face but he didn't break his grim expression. 

She heard him curse under his breath and look down into her eyes. Ellie shut her eyelids and shook her head. "Alright, can you just... get the water started upstairs, and I'll... do that thing?" He smiled for a second and brushed a strand away from her shut eyes. Somehow, Ellie still looked peaceful, even with a one-hundred and three fever. _Goddammit._ He thought and as soon as he was done, he returned downstairs finding she had not moved even an inch. 

"Hey, c'mon. Got a nice... ice-bath to look forward to." Ellie smiled and shook her head, but before she could argue a second more Joel scooped her up and laid her down on the seat on the bath. "Okay, think you can handle gettin' in by yourself, baby girl?" He asked and she nodded, opening one eye and then the other. "Alright..." _God, I really hate being sick._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much everyone for reading! hope you enjoyed <3 requests are still open for the moment, but i am going to be ending this little mini-season soon, so they wont be open for very long :3 also, sorry i had to cut this chapter into two, i have an italian midterm tomorrow, and an english ap midterm, so i kinda gotta focus on that just for tonight :3 okay, that's it for now ! have a good day and stay safe everyone <3


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie recovers from her sickness very, very slowly.

She coughed into her sleeve again as he dried her hair with a towel, though she was already in her pajama pants and one of his large shirts since she had already sweated through her own clothing. "Alright, kiddo, think you can handle some sleep?" 

"You're... gonna get sick, you should-"

"Sh." He hushed her quickly and she obliged, too tired and ached to respond. Instead, she just pushed her head into his chest, feeling like a child again. He quickly picked her up and carried her, moving towards his room. She hadn't slept close to him in a while, she missed it. Part of her was almost grateful she'd have that privilege once again. "Alright, your fever went down a bit... should blow over after a little rest, baby girl." He softly murmured, setting her down onto the mattress and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. He wiped the small beads of sweat on her forehead with a small cloth on the dresser beside her and looked down at Ellie. 

Every now and then, she would shiver, and mostly, she coughed. He yelled at himself for being so stupid, he should have pushed her out of the room himself when he was sick; he should've locked the damn door. It was like her skin was growing hotter and colder at the same time, and a pounding headache reflected inside of her. He slowly retreated from her body and gently pulled his blankets over her body. 

Quickly she had fallen asleep, but her sickness still flamed in her. In around thirty minute intervals she would break into a coughing fit and he just sat there and held her hand. Joel felt so fucking useless. He fed her more of the medicine and simply sat beside her in the bed, keeping her hand in his. 

Finally, day passed to night and the coughing grew farther apart slowly. Still, Ellie remained asleep even though she had been trapped in the bed for almost ten full hours. She started coughing once again and Joel kneeled on the floor beside her position on the bed. "Hey, hey." Joel whispered, shaking her slightly and she quickly wakened. Her eyes shot open in a panicked fashion and he shushed her. It hadn't been a peaceful sleep, he realized, but he was suspicious of that. "Jus' me. Tommy dropped off some food... wanna give it a go, kiddo?" 

Eating would probably help, she realized. Her body was already starved and maybe a boost of strength would effectively tell the sickness to 'fuck off.' "Yeah... guess so." She whispered in a soft tone and coughed once more. "Can you just... bring it up, Joel?" 

He sighed sadly and caressed her face for a moment before nodding. She heard his footsteps travel downstairs and all of a sudden, there were _eyes_ looking back at her, but they weren't Joel's. They were Dina's and Jesse's, but they weren't. Not _her_ Dina, and not _her_ Jesse. They were visions conspired by her fever and Ellie shut her eyes but soon, she felt someone's grip holding her. _'Ellie.'_ It was Dina's voice and Ellie squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. _Go away._ ' _I'm not going to leave you... not like you left me.'_ It was Riley's voice now and Ellie groaned in pain at the voice. She shook her head, scrunching her features together and shaking her head violently. "No, no..." She whispered and buried her face into Joel's pillow; it smelled like him. 

That calmed her down and the roaring headache in her nerves seemed to calm for a moment. There was a creak in the floorboards and Ellie felt herself calm for just a second. Something touched her and she jumped up, but when she looked she saw her father's face staring back at her. "Hey, it's me... just me." She sighed and looked at the food in his grip, breathing a sigh of relief and taking it from him weakly. 

Ellie didn't even ask for a fork, she ate the small pieces of food with her hands, still maintaining some level of politeness somehow. "Feeling a little better?" He asked after she'd consumed the plate in fairness and Ellie smiled for just a second, looking up at him and nodding. "Would it be... 'lame' if I asked you to get some more sleep?" 

A second went by before she cracked into laughter and his use of the word 'lame.' "What did you just say?" Ellie giggled, breaking her coughing spree for a moment and looking up at him. "I was thinking, since you... hate them so much... wanna put on another one of those um... princess things?" He smiled, chuckling down at her and nodding. "If you can help me get down the steps." Ellie whispered and he hung her arm over him, slowly helping her up. _Love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much guys for reading! made it through midterms, and just wrote this on a marvel binge, so next episode will come out in a few days <3 have an amazing week, that's all for now :3


	10. intermission

hey guys, so i wasn't sure whether or not to really just end this short little part of the story here, since i didn't really want much of a plot for this, i just wanted to have it sort of build some relationships but if you guys have any final requests, or want me to make this tiny thing a bit longer before i cover the GIGANTIC project of part 2, tell me! I wanted to sort of just open this up since i wasn't sure where to go from here, and wanted to know what you guys thought. have an amazing day as always, thank you <3


	11. end :3

ok so i've decided im just gonna go ahead and start part 2, i was thinking about doing some more dina/jesse/ellie but i have been having MAJOR writer's block lately, so im gonna take my little break (nothing long, week, week and a half) between seasons and then another work will be up for part 2 to start! thanks everyone so much for supporting me so far, it means so much! have an amazing week <3


	12. Chapter 12

hey guys! sorry i haven't updated in a while, i've finally finished the first few chapters for this season. pretty much, i have the work all glossed over and everything, first chapter will be up tomorrow! see you guys there! 


	13. Chapter 13

ayo! new work is up my account, go check it out <3


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